A Threesome And A Fourth Wheel: Onuora Onianwa is Bae

WHO ARE YOU?

My names are…OK OK calm down. I was just joking. Pessin no fit play wee una sef. My name is Onuora Ikechukwu Onianwa.

I am a bi – spectacled male from Delta state. I like the colour blue and have a long standing love affair with shawarma and rock road ice cream, and my love for agege bread and ewa cannot be quantified. I also have a not so discreet romantic entanglement with amala and ewedu. I often have a threesome with tiree meat in said ewedu soup, just to keep things spicy.

I cannot remember my weight or height and do not particularly care but I can tell you that bobo e hans gaa and as I am sure you can already tell, I have a naughty sense of humour.

I am a Brand Identity Designer (for the lay man that means “I know how to use Photoshop and Corel Draw very well to design tins”) and business consultant. I do a lot of writing so I have a blog, write for online sites, edit and ghost write, and I also have a column in The Sunday Punch called Spot On. I am also a Radio Show Co- Host on Hot 98.3 FM Abuja and a regular speaker at events of a secular and religious nature, especially in the area of personal development and business.

WHAT DRIVES YOU?

I love to learn and apply new things and I am a very passionate person. Once I sink my teeth into something, I want to stay with it till I have made it into what I want, achieved what I am after and been changed by it. However whatever I do, I make sure I apply a simply rule to it all. If it does not give me peace I want no part of it. I will walk away from money, jobs, people, relationships and even honour and fame if I will not be able to sit down in peace and be happy with my lot. I got that from my mother.

NIGERIA TODAY, WHAT DO YOU SEE?

I see a nation that is not where it should be now. Too many lying and thieving leaders. Too many lazy citizens and too many disillusioned people. We could be so much more if we would all collectively make the effort to be and do better but mediocrity and managing the status quo seems preferable. No one wants to rock the boat. Don’t get me wrong, some people have done well and are doing their bit to make improvements but it appears the majority do not care for such a change and even fight people who try to do it. It is like the proverbial snake biting its own tail, thus putting deadly poison into its bloodstream which will eventually kill it.

CHECK OUT!!  African Development Bank Group Recruitment 2018

NIGERIA TOMORROW, WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE?

Honesty. Accountability. A budget that passes without stories and padding like a wonder bra. A house of assembly that does not disgrace itself constantly by its blunders and fights. For once let the fights be seen only on WWE. I would also like to see a nation that has worked better on its institutions for health care, security and power supply. If these things were looked into and improved, a lot of businesses would thrive and people would do better for themselves as employers of labour or entrepreneurs. Improvements in the educational sector would also be a welcome change for this nation, honestly. We cannot continue this way. Something has to give or the next generation is going to suffer so much more than we are right now.

YOU AND NIGERIA, HOW DO YOU FIT IN?
Some days I do not even know, honestly. I can say this though. I see myself as an educator of sorts. I do the best I can to make the ones around me and within my reach safe, confident and help them acquire the sills and knowledge to be better as people an d at what they do. I also do a lot of counselling so that factors in as well when it comes to helping folks along in life.
I know this nation can be better and though I sometimes seem to lose faith in it and that possibility, I know it can happen. We just have to start somewhere and of course it starts with each of us working on ourselves and then reaching out to others.

THE YOUTH AND NIGERIA, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO THEM?

Get a direction for your lives. Fighting over political parties and hand-outs from thieving leaders will not help you or make this nation better. Find a passion for yourself and turn it into a source of income and better your life. Oh and social media is not a place to come and disgrace yourself and your ancestors, please. Also, kindly note that “am” is not a substitute for “I am” and it makes no sense to send “gd pm”or any such nonsense to people.

Thank you.

TURN ONS/OFFS...

Hian! Them plenty oh! You sure say you wan know this one?

I hate people lying to me and twisting facts about issues to make themselves look good and me bad, when there is an issue between us.

I cannot stand people being rude and posturing. It makes my brain itch, especially when the person no sabi even speak good English sef. That is like someone bleaching their face white as a sheet of paper and then forgetting their hands which look black as night.

CHECK OUT!!  Valentine Give Away Feedback Instructions

I hate it when people claim to be in love or like someone yet take them for granted and treat them like trash, then lie about it and when the relationship ends they suddenly have this epiphany that the person was the best thing since Goldspot or Limca!

Inconsistencies are another annoyance for me. If you are not steady in the things you say and do, I will gradually begin to give you space, especially if you cannot be honest and apologise for it, but rather cast blame, lie and make excuses.

I hate entitlement mentality many have that you owe them your time, energy and resources for just knowing you, and even if they do not know you but you breathe the same air as they do.

I so hate seeing onions, tomatoes and pepper in anything I eat. Let it be there ground and invisible. Let me just not see it, abeg. The only exception is when I am eating suya. Then the onions can even be on top of the thing sef and I won’t even care.

Gender wars and gender discrimination (for either sex) irritate me to no end and I avoid people who engage in such rubbish like the plague.

WHAT IS THAT ONE THING YOU CAN’T DO WITHOUT?

Are we talking physical, spiritual or whateveritical? I do not even know sef. I have gone periods without a lot of stuff I used to think I would not be able to go on without. Maybe it is the love I have in my life from, to and with people. If I lose that, I’d lose the will to live and go on. Even ewa and agege bread won’t be sufficient to bring me back from the brink. #Shudders

#WIFENOTCOOK, YAY OR NAY?

Honestly I don’t care. The thing was over flogged and blown out of proportion by many people on both sides jare. Let everyone do the one that works for them. Wetin consyn me weet dia kitchen issues? Na me dey marry de geh abi de man? I want a woman that can cook scatter grand but I also love take outs and eating out.. My life, my choice and ultimately, my wife. Make anoda pessin do en own abeg. I even know how to cook a few meals myself and no, that is not limited to boiling water and boiling eggs.

CHECK OUT!!  Apply Now │Jumia Nigeria Recruitment for an SEO Specialist

FAVOURITE VACATION SPOT:

I honestly do not have one. I love to travel but most of it has been on business or speaking engagements and not much time for pleasure. That is something I need to work on and I have made up my mind to do before the year ends and if this economy will allow me. If however you or one of your readers decides to sponsor me for even one day to any awesome vacation spot in or out of the country, your reward will be in heaven. I do not even mind if I am the third, fourth or fifth wheel on a date or if it is one sugar mummy that asks me to tag along. Les just come and be going.

IF YOU HAD FIVE MINUTES WITH YOUR TEENAGED SELF, WHAT WOULD YOU SAY TO HIM?

Don’t grow up too fast. I spent a good part of my younger years trying to be older and sharper than I could be. On one hand you could say that was good but on the other hand it had a lot of drawbacks. I was taking on a lot too early and too fast. This meant I missed out on some very key things that would have benefited me down the line and I had to learn them as an adult. Everyone needs to give themselves room to grow, make mistakes, be silly and ease into adulthood. All this rushing no dey pay at all. Take your time. Adulthood will be there waiting for you. It won’t disappear before you get there.

YOUR LAMEST JOKE EVER – WE WANT TO LAUGH (NOT!)

I cannot even remember the joke but it was one dumb nonsense I shared one day with friends about a hunter in the bush. It was a made up story that went on for ages until a friend rescued me by pretending to fight me over the punch line. I wanted the ground to swallow me. Till date I wonder what possessed me to start the joke in the first place. It is not like I was forced!

=====================

Fifietalkslive: Hmmmm, so what do you think? If we vote Onuora as Bae, do you think we have to find him that sugar mummy for the vacation sontin?

Bae?

Let’s hear your opinion in the comments section!

 

 

Related posts

14 Thoughts to “A Threesome And A Fourth Wheel: Onuora Onianwa is Bae”

  1. Mlle X Bonrue

    Onu is Bae-est!!!!

    1. onuora onianwa

      Thanks jare. Take one of whatever you want. I will pay the bill!!!

  2. Fatima

    She seems like a really down to earth guy. Interesting and quite engaging. I laughed out loud at “so I hate seeing onions, tomatoes and pepper in anything I eat. Let it be there ground and invisible. Let me just not see it, abeg” because at that point he sounded EXACTLY like my husband and 10year old daughter. Lol. He presents as a VERY interesting human being based on this interview. His answers come across to me as though he laughed and made lots of facial expressions during the interview. A laughing man is always Bae……….

    1. onuora onianwa

      You hear that Viola? I am always bae! Oshey mehn! Thanks Fatima 😀

  3. Fatima

    I meant to type He not She at the the start of my comment. Pardon moi. Typo trying spoil matter. #modernissues

  4. Ijeoma

    I don’t know about the sugar mummy ish. But one thing I do know: the bobo ee Hans gan!!

    1. Onianwa Onuora

      Thank you 🙂

  5. Lami

    Onuorah is bae biko. He can’t stand onions,tomatoes and pepper anywhere in his food.lol

    1. onuora onianwa

      LOL! Thanks! To dey see de tin for my food dey do me skoin skoin for head

    1. onuora onianwa

      Thanks! 😀

  6. onuora onianwa

    Yes! I am awesome and sexy and fantabulous and everything else that is great. I am the best thing since ewa and agege bread. Wa sere mehn!

    1. Fatima

      Even this self promotion is Bae. ….i hear laughter in your voice.

      1. Onuora onianwa

        Lol! You’re in the ghost! It’s been good fun 😀

Leave a Comment