Another Africa Magic Viewer’s Choice Awards is loading…
And this time, there is just one category, one nomination, and one vote.
So listen up.
The award for best “Actor” in a comedy series goes to…
*drumroll, for heightened anticipation*
Hollup, hollup, before you go too far.
This really is about the biggest comedy we have all been involved in so far, we don’t even know who the director is, or the producer, all we know are the parts we are acting, or being made to act.
It is a shame, really, that with all the intellectual and creative resources available to the individual citizens that make up this our country, we still can not read. By read, I do not mean the innocent deciphering of characters printed on pages or posted on the net. No, far from it. I mean that we can not look beyond the surface and see the real underlying issues.
The wedding of the last daughter of former President, General Ibrahim Badamasi Babangida, a man widely recognized and respected as one of the masterminds of political strategy in Nigeria, as well as one of the greatest looters and pillagers the coffers of this nation has ever seen (forget Abacha, na because the guy don die); was attended by the crème de la crème of the Nigerian political (read that as kleptomaniac or loot-o-cratic) class.
Typically, a wedding is supposed to be a formal celebration of the union of two people, but this wedding was way different from any other in Nigerian History. Accounts differ as to the exact number, but what the various accounts agree on, is that the wedding showcased what was probably the highest gathering of private jets and helicopters in any one space at any one time since the pseudo republic called Nigeria came into existence. some accounts place the number of private jets at over 30, some place it at merely well over twenty five, but one thing is sure.
That there has not in recent time, been such an assemblage of Nigeria’s political class. And at a wedding where neither the bride nor the groom was a politician.
What was the reason for Nigeria’s political elite abandoning, albeit temporarily, their various political affiliations, and coming together to eat, drink, and make merry?
A wedding, that’s what. And the last daughter, not first o, last daughter of a former head of state.
Here, the men who make headlines with brooms, umbrellas and other party symbols; sat down to rub shoulders, even helping each other pass mounds and platters of steaming food and quaffing down humongous quantities of frighteningly expensive liqueurs.
And where are we?
You and I dear reader, yes YOU, are here, clinging to our smart phones and computers, our fingers clattering against keyboards and screens, pounding out words in support of, or against, people who don’t give a flying fuck whether we live or die.
While we debate and pontificate, waxing lyrical over whether the former president was, is or will be adjudged the worst president in history; or whether BabaBubu, the supernomad, is the best thing to happen to the world since the making of the bread slicer. The so called Jonathanians and the self-styled Buharists are busy breaking friendships and raining curses on each other, and yet what do their heroes do?
They help each other pass the wine, the small chops, and the delicious hunks of meat, cooked in more ways than we will believe possible, that are adorning the massive banquet table at which the nation’s wealthiest men, legally and illegally, gathered to feast and make merry.
And in another, distantly related development, I got a visit from a colleague who is based in the north, at least for now. And he had some faintly disturbing news.
The sad truth is that someone, preferably from the north, is aware of the President’s ill health, because pamphlets have flooded the north, detailing how the president was poisoned, and that he was poisoned by certain southern elements who are not happy with him.
The pamphlets are subtly inciting vengeance killings if anything happens to the president, and you do not need to be a diviner on a lucky streak to know who the targets of their anger and aggression will be should Bababubu not be able to complete this tenure.
This is a warning, and not to be trifled with.
If you know you have business interests up North, take appropriate actions to secure them. We shall discuss this in greater detail.
Aaaaaand the award goes to…
You, dear reader, and me.
The common men, the Nigerians on the street.
If after all our polarization and enmity, dividing ourselves into camps and factions, the men we claim to idolize by virtue of political affiliations can forget the umbrellas, brooms and all whatnot, and eat and drink together, then you must agree that the joke is on us.
We are the best actors in this farce of a nation.
Weh done Sirs, weh done Mas!!!
Clap for yasefs!!!!
Oya, tell me what you think.