In relationships, we always ought to ask ourselves – “what has this done for me?” “What has this relationship help me unravel about myself as an individual, about my choices, weaknesses, failures etc”. You see, whether or not we like to admit it, emotional intelligence represents the greatest value one can derive from a human-human relationship.
Last year September, a certain story trended across social media platforms. “The Miriam Shehu case.” Apparently, the lady in question (Miriam) had dated a certain “Taiwo,” and they had a good going till she learnt of him “wedding another lady” on social media. Then, all hell broke loose. Miriam rained curses, posted tweets after tweets filled with profanities, she swore and made public the details of every favour she ever did Taiwo – sponsoring his education, making huge deposits into his accounts etc – during the course of the relationship.
On this, I’ve got alot to say.
Let me tell you a story.
A couple of years back, I met an amazing lady. She’d contacted me over some personal issues – which I helped work out with her. We became close friends afterwards and as time passed, feelings slowly crept in and we started dating. It was supposed to be one beautiful relationship, we had all “these plans,” she wanted the best for me and all but…*sighs*…I don’t even know what went wrong…it really was complicated, really, but I was the asswipe actually…a real asswipe. *sighs*
In any case, a few weeks before we FINALLY broke up (we’d broken up and reconciled so many times – this was just going to be the last straw), she’d called and requested I help process payment into an account here in Nigeria (she wasn’t in the country) but she never gave me the receiver’s account details. I requested for it, but she dismissed my request, saying she would send details as soon as I receive payment into my own account. Okay, I was sceptical but, I trusted her. As soon as I received the alert, I informed my girl and requested for the account details she was supposed to send, only for her to apologize saying, the money was meant for none other person but me. Huh? Truth is, she knew there was no way I was ever going to take money from her except she tricked me into it. So, we had a little quarrel but there was no way I could return it, I never had her account details. I took the cash at the end of it all.
Guess what? We finally broke up, she requested her cash – and told all her friends how I took money from her – like I’d extorted her or something. LOL. To make matters worse, I was still a broke niccur, I no even fit vex give her back her money, lmao…but…it was a really sad sad situation though…really sad.
Now, why have I said all these? I look back at the “Miriam issue case” and I see my experience through it. For one, while Taiwo was probably a real ass wipe, like I was, for toying with her that way, one does not have a complete picture of what may have transpired between the two. In my own case, alot of people thought me a gold digger for years, no one ever heard my side of the story – in same manner, Taiwo also may have been slapped with the “gold digger label” without anyone even knowing him – all thanks to Miriam who was out for blood.
Now, to examine the very depths of my experience. While I’m pretty sure, for me, that relationship helped unravel how much more negatively I would have evolved if only I’d achieved all I’d desired in life at that point in time, I also learnt 2 other things:
– You do not commit as much resources as you can’t afford to lose into a relationship. And…
– The value of the material commitments you put into a relationship can never be compared with the value of time, effort and emotional commitment you put into it.
Do not make little the value of your emotional asset by placing a material tag on it.
Perfect is boring, to be human is beautiful.