Before anything else, I’ll quickly like to state this – I belong to the group of those that believe one doesn’t need “seek love,” instead, that love we carry within us pulls love from others to us – in essence, our self love attracts to us genuine love.
However, for the reason of passing a clear message across with this piece, I’ll settle for the belief that “we seek love.” Aside this mistaken approach, its absolutely normal to feel like meeting with, getting to know and falling deeply in love with that special person, and that’s mostly the root of the problem for alot of individuals.
At some point, between being born and this present moment, something occurred to these individuals – and ‘coz of this, their idea of loving now involves being toyed with, power-tussle, drama, pressure and hurt. Each time they attempted loving or perhaps, believed they’d come into contact with a person in love with them, situations quickly escalated from warm feelings to ugly feelings enmeshed in inadequacy. Romantic, caring expressions displaced by disrespect, disappointments and anger. Beautiful thoughts displaced by pains, finger-pointing and resentment.
These encounters, basically, have caused these people to be so scared of everything possible that cause negative outcomes, so much so that they’ve developed an obsession with maintaining a “mental list” of those attempting to fuck with them, perhaps literally or even metaphorically – normally, both ways.
Now, how do such people keep away from being hurt or a having their hearts shattered?
Going the way of mind – or mental – games might actually appear as though it were some full-proof, “secure” method by which one can build relationships with other people without having to open up one’s heart to hurt. But, truth is, mental games – if ever they help, only push to the future the unavoidable. You get the chance to encounter the mirage of affectionate attentiveness, and, possibly, there are chances of you being capable of taking someone on a ride for such long time, however, the greater the length of time you’re able to run this deceit, the messier and more terrible your fall will turn out. Your amazing manipulation methods will slowly, steadily but surely crash all you’ve laboured really hard to earn or erect, despite the intensity of your efforts at avoiding the unavoidable.
There exists people that have been into mind games for such long time that they just have never encountered what it feels like to be loved without added pains, inadequacies and “delusional neediness.”
For almost the whole of their adult life, they’ve put up a facade and hidden at the back of mental games, so much so that, no one can state exactly who they truly are – and there’s hardly one sane person that truly loves the persona they attempt projecting.
Even those times they come across a special person, they’re out of ideas on the ways to relate with him/her – and form a lasting relationship – all thanks to their inability to see themselves moving past rejection, fear induced thoughts on intimacy etc – basically all manners of insecurities.
On a factual note, there ain’t anything bad in taking careful steps – and not merely loving every Usman, Emeka and Dayo that comes your way. No. In fact, everybody should guard his/her heart. But then, if most of your moments, effort and strengths are usually expended on attempting to avoid a shattered heart, much more than you’re attempting to come across, truly know and fall deeply for a totally different individual, then it ain’t “them” fucking with you, you’re the one fucking with yourself.
Here in lies the most painful irony – and disgrace – of mental gaming…
You very much could find a person ready to love you for your true self anyway. Still, you do not present the other individual the chance to encounter you, know your true nature and love you. Eventually, it ends up as him/her pushing you away ‘coz of who you present yourself to be – not who you are.
You fuck with yourself and you’ll likely repeat it.
To solve this issue, you need not kick yourself too much. You’ve been doing that which you always have believed could get you the thing you seek – quite possibly, this prolly could have been the only manner you always go about things in order that you get the attention and affection you crave. What you should do is, “change.” If the vicious cycle of pains, ugly feelings, insecurities and let downs wears you thin, consider having a truly special man/woman meet up with you, know all that’s needed about you and fall really hard for you – the ACTUAL YOU. You’ll be better for it.
Perfect is boring, to be human is beautiful.