Good morning Naija people, how you dey enjoying ya country?
Yes o, I really wan know… you see, when some oyibo diplomats scratch one Naija-man motor for Mogadishu cantonment inside Abuja on January 15th this 2017 after over-jolliment for our mami market, dem carry their big jeeps for convoy and their diplomatic number plate drive comot.
Mr Naija-man don look this thing upandan see say e no work… “in my own country?” he ask himself “common oyibo” na so e shake him head. Who go blame the poor man? If Na you, you no go shake ya head?
According to the gist wen Tori-news give us the next morning, this Naija-man and him ‘sister’ talk say because the oyibo people nor for do like this for their own country, na hin them wan show them say na Naija be this. Sharperly, them jump inside their Toyota screech enter road like James Bond.
As them reach Asokoro flyover na him them block the convoy like Jackie Chan, next thing when everybody hear na KRIIII….GBOSAAAA!!! Accident done shele! Toyota don do wrongful interception plus overtaking from the wrong lane plus suspected kidnapping plus wreckless driving above the speed limit, plus obstruction of traffic resulting in several hours of traffic jam, plus anything else wen police chose to accuse Mr Naija-man of. On top of the fuckup, Naija-man burst out from him motor, go open the diplomat motor, help them pull their handbrake put, then collect their car key from ignition wey add forceful breaking, entry and invasion of the oyibo people private space for Naija-man allegation.
Wahala now be say Mr Naija-man first go occupy him free accommodation inside Asokoro Police Command while the oyibo dem proceed to their air-conditioned hotel. Naija-‘sister’ meanwhile, carry the gist begin share give journalists wen dey find the latest gossip to publish… Afterall, man-must-wack.
E nor teh, everybody including Tori-news people don dey talk say these oyibo people wicked and the police corrupt because if na their own country e no for be like that.
Now make I ask una my people… if na their country, dem for take the matters into their own hands? when Naija-man begin behave like he-goat wen dey see hin period him brain no tell am say if na for the oyibo people country dem dey, dey for just copy the motor plate number submit am give police and their insurance company?
Insurance for Naija na compulsory particulars to carry for inside every motor and even police go nab anybody wen dey try drive without am, so if Mr Naija-man no get am na to report himself give police make dem add for him allegations but MBA!!!… Because na hin country, e dey very important say him show the oyibo say na Naija dem dey so everything need make e handled am with jungle justice.
Wetin concern police? Dem go dey so like say na only fifty Naira dem sabi collect for roadblock until you commit dis kain giant fuckup, Na dat time dem go show you say dem no dey like fall we country hand for public. Mr Naija-man don enjoy him country small after police wear am federal government engagement ring, knack am for federal housing and only baba Godeh know whether judge knack am federal bill join. Tomorrow him no go fit talk say him country no dey epp am, dem don help an get small sense and if una want to enjoy una country join, make una just dey behave like wild animal any small chance wen una get, especially if foreigners dey around.
Trust Nigerian police, if you start to prove say “afterall, this is my country”, you go soon come go begin enjoy ya own federal benefits, just pray say ya own accommodation no go be for Kuje prison because had it been say Mr Naija-man jam person pikin kpai the time wen him dey drive like Jackie Chan na sorry for be him portion.
I hope you enjoy ya country with small sense sha. Na Naija people we be, we no be wild animal.