Let me not lie to you; every time I hear that some person has been swindled by a so-called pastor or evangelist, my first reaction is always laughter. The more ridiculous and unbelievable to the fraud, the harder I laugh.

Last week, I saw a video of a certain Ghanaian pastor in South Africa, who was ‘freeing’ his female members of their troubles through deep French kisses. Because somewhere in the Bible, is a verse that said, “Greet each other with a holy kiss.”

Sometime ago, it was a pastor asking his members to eat grass. Yet another set some of his on fire. Whether it’s a religious cult or commune in the United States, or a ‘church’ in Nigeria or Kenya all are led by fraudsters and masochists with delusions of grandeur.

Before you say, “Aah, Eketi, you’re heartless o,” let me say something. I know that the world is filled with charismatic men and women who can mesmerise their listeners and followers with words. Throw in some signs and wonders, and they have these people eating out of their hands.


When it comes to religion, many people have willingly chosen not to use their brains. Let me use Christianity for example—because I’m conversant with it. You see, there was a time when reading the bible was something only priests did, because they were the only ones who could read.

Now, with churches on every street and bibles of different translation peddled in traffic, it’s kind of a shock that there are still people who say and do the ridiculous, on their pastor’s say-so. They sort of remind me of my nephew and a few other children previously in my care You see, as far as his education is concerned, his class teacher’s word is law. Anytime he’s got an assignment from school, where the teacher taught something wrong, it’s impossible to correct him.

“Junior, two plus eight is ten, not twelve,” I’ll say.

The inevitable reply would be, “Auntie, my school auntie said that it’s twelve. I’m writing what my auntie in school said.”

No matter what you say, they’ll take their school teacher’s word over yours any day. But this is understandable—they’re children. I don’t get it when a grown person orders another adult to leave their senses, propriety and sometimes humanity behind, and they acquiesce.

In my opinion, they don’t want to know or do the truth. They choose miracles rather than kindness to a neighbour. They’ll brush aside the hungry and destitute on their doorsteps, because they’re in a hurry to get to church. Witches and wizards—and not laziness—must be responsible for their failures. People who, instead of facing their businesses, will be in church day in, day out, and go to rivers at midnight, so the ‘man of god’ will bath them and conduct ‘assignments’ on their heads for success. Instead of making out time to study the scriptures, they’d rather have pastors and prophets as go-betweens.

In my opinion, whatever they get, they deserve. As for you, have you received your holy kiss yet? or don’t you want your troubles to go away?


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  1. Somtoo

    Biko, let my troubles remain with me. This video traumatised me.

    1. Eketi Ette

      Heheheheheee…. E pele

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