Oba No Dey Go Transfer

Wait o, what’s all the brouhaha about Buhari’s decision to act out a larger part of his tenure from the United Kingdom?

I don’t understand.

Why are you all panicking? Kamugodunu dan small, abeg.

Please ask yourself for one minute, what there is to convince anyone to remain in this country and suffer with the rest of you suffer heads?

Last night, Fashola’s Ministry of Darkness provided light for all of three hours.

It is worthy of mention, because that was the first time we would have light for about a week. And of course you know how all this works, having spent the greater part of those three hours doubting that this was actually electricity and that it was actually meant for us, as soon as we threw the clothes into the washing machine and pulled out the ironing board, they retracted the electricity.

I suspect that someone must have accidentally fallen asleep on the control board and his head mistakenly flipped that switch on.

Back to no light, you actually want your president to stay in darkness?


When was the last time you tried to purchase something in the open market?

Madam how much is your tomatoes.
Fifty naira.
For only 2 seeds?
Aunty, dollar don cost.

Uncle, I want to buy goat meat.
Quarter goat is 6000
Chineke! Why? The goat dey chop dollars? Abi he enter aeroplane come Naija?
Nooooo madam, na the knife wey we dey take cut am wey don add money because of dollar.

And so on and so forth.

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N5,000 cannot purchase for you what N1,500 could comfortably do a year or so ago.

So I needed an external hard drive to store some office work and all the ones I had at home were straining at the seams.

So I drove to the Banex Plaza in Abuja.

So they brought out the external hard drives.

So I asked for the price, and nearly had a toilet accident at the response I got.

Apparently, the hard drives were not just depending on the dollar rates, they were determined to start up a parallel market of theirs altogether.

1TB hard drives which I had purchased for the kingly sum of N13,000 a year ago, was now stubbornly clinging to N29,000.

No amount of “ja le” would bring down the price.

It was an “if you are not buying abeg give chance make we see who dey your back” situation.

I relented.

And bought 500GB for the kingly sum of N18,000.

Thus far has dollar rates brought us and you are asking your President to stay back and suffer all that with you?

(Quick someone, tag Tinubu to this update so that he can see how ridiculous his response to the #IStandWithNigeria protesters truly are. Hint: Fx rates affect everything, duh!)

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See, let us be realistic for a moment, our hospitals are moribund. Our best brains are fleeing the country. No one is quite sure if the expiry dates on the drugs available are not also undergoing a recession. People are hungry and you know what they say about a hungry man?


Angry man.

And you wanted your president, the one entrusted with fixing it all to actually express some form of confidence in the economy he is overseeing?

By actually patronising the health sector?

Why are you like this? Who sent you?

*In Omawumi’s voice* Do you mean him well?

Meanwhile, I’d like to be pointed in the direction of one, just one instance where our dearly beloved President had EVER expressed confidence in his people?

*whistling* my people are useless, my people are senseless, my people are indisciplineeeeed!


And by the way, are you not aware that once upon a time in the Land of Jigawa State Nigeria, a governor actually abandoned his state and was governing from Abuja, London and Dubai?

And nobody impeached him?

And everybody rankadede’d him until his tenure expired?

Dey there. Don’t enter the train yet o. Wait until the train enters you.

So please, stop yapping about campaign promises and Chatham House speeches promising you that medical tourism for elected officials would be a thing of the past, all na wash.

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It is hardly the President’s fault if you allowed him and the APC to chop you mugu so cheaply like that, is it?

Abegi, bend to the left first make I hear word.

It has been proven that someone’s mandate can be executed in absentia.

“Oshunbarde” is there, achieving more than his boss could ever hope to do in just these few weeks of filling in the blank.

If you ask me, not only is there no vacuum, we are actually witnessing a non-polarising, non-partisan, non-bigoted presidenting by the acting president…

(Sorry guys, computer glitch, don’t know who typed that last paragraph up there, and I can’t find my delete button).

So if you ask me, have some sympathy for the old man Presidio, let him enjoy his retirement in peace.

Better in London than in Aso Rock.

And anytime you begin to doubt and ask about his whereabouts (did I just rhyme? *swoons*), please remember that we are in Nigeria.

And the only person wey no dey go transfer for Naija, na Oba.

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