Yes, your teen years and twenties are for doing stupid things.
I know this because I managed to do plenty of stupid things in my heydays. Some were quite shocking, considering my parents. They weren’t that strict; they simply didn’t permit any kind of foolishness. While I must admit, its quite a task parenting teenage daughters, still, I do often wonder where I got my adventurous spirit from. Whichever of my ancestors is responsible, I’m blaming them for what I did on one cold, crisp night January, in the year of our Lord, 2012.
At the time, 2go had made its debut and one could link it to Facebook chat and converse with people. It was there I met this guy and we started chatting. We’ll call him Jason.
I really can’t remember how it started. All I know is that he’d been three classes ahead of me in the university and so out of my league, we’d never met in school. I knew about him though, because he was one of those popular people who even had a slogan attached to their names.
One day during our chats, the conversation subtly veered into matters of za oda room.
I think it began when he said, “I like that you aren’t abbreviating your words.”
“Thank you,” I replied. “I hate abbreviations. I actually have an itch whenever I read words that have been abbreviated.”
“Do you write?” he asked.
“Yes,” I replied. “I dabbled into poetry at first. I don’t think I’m good at it. Now I mostly do prose”
“That figures, considering the number of romantic novels you say you’ve read. Have you ever written erotica?”
You see that question above? That’s when I should’ve run. But did I? No, I did not. Possessed by an overt kind of idiocy, I said, “Yes, I do, but it’s for my eyes only.”
“Aww…that’s not fair. Share some of it. You know what? Write something right here, so I can see if what you say is true.”
Me that cannot back down from challenges? Using all the knowledge gathered from over a decade of reading Harlequin and Mills & Boon, I quickly scribbled something short and hot.
“Wow. That was really good.”
Being a writer himself, he did something just as good. The conversation soon spiraled out of control. I couldn’t stop myself. There was this insane urge to match him word for word. I established this persona of a worldly-wise young woman. Me, that man had never seen my pata – oh mama, she did quite a work parenting her teenage daughter – I presented myself in our chats as a girl who was comfortable with her sexuality and willing to explore a mutually satisfying sexual relationship, if the opportunity ever presented itself.
And the opportunity did come. It came in the first week of the new year, when memories of the Christmas holidays still lingered on the minds of many and the removal of the fuel subsidy by President Jonathan’s government was causing all sorts of wahala. I wanted to stay home a little longer, but Law School was calling, demanding that I return to thick tomes I would never finish reading and the predictable extremes of Kano’s weather.
The bus I boarded finally arrived at Abuja around past 9 p.m. Even though there was a curfew in Kaduna, the driver insisted on continuing with the journey.
“But how will we get to Kano when there’s a curfew?” I asked, confused.
“We won’t get to Kano tonight. We’ll sleep just outside Kaduna and as soon as the morning comes and the curfew is lifted, we’ll continue our journey.”
“God forbid!” I exclaimed. Put my life at risk like that? No way. I even added another ‘God forbid’ for good measure as I got down from the bus. During my court and chambers attachment, a friend and I had rented a little, damp, cockroach infested self-con room somewhere in Lugbe. I decided to spend the night there and continue my journey in the morning.
Then a thought came to my mind. Why not call this guy and spend the night at his apartment? It would be a perfect opportunity for the two of you to finally meet. At almost 10 p.m. In a city, I was still getting used to. With no one to vouch for him or guarantee my safety. Hear how stupid that sounds? Yup.
It didn’t stop me from calling him. He said he was having car trouble somewhere in town, that I should pick a cab and meet him there. So, I did. He was very glad to see me, as I was to see him. His car was soon fixed; we got take-out and went to his place. On arrival, I went into the bathroom to wash away the journey’s grime. Done, I tied my huge, white terry towel and stepped out of the bathroom into the bedroom.
He’d been sitting on the bed. The moment I stepped into the room, he got up and approached me. Without any warning, he began to nuzzle my neck and trail little kisses down my collarbone and shoulders. His hands grabbed my behind and pressed me against the prominent bulge in his groin.
“You taste so good, baby. Kiss me,” he said.
I was momentarily confused. What had I gotten myself into? Well done, Kokomma. You’ve played yourself. This is how you’re going to be on NTA news tomorrow. The headlines would read, “Girl Murdered by Lover She Met on Facebook!”
For five terrifying seconds, I had a clear vision of what was going to happen next. I was going to protest. This bro was going to rip that towel off my torso. Based on my brazen chats, he was going to assume I was playing some weird game of hard to get and would force himself on me. Despite my continued protests, he was going to have his way.
I tried to speak, but fear had dried the saliva in my mouth, leaving behind a bad stutter.
“Pe….ppl….please, wait a minute,” I said, my mind racing. How was I going to get out of this?
“Please, stop. I’m begging you. Forget all those things I ever wrote and said. Truth is, I’m still a virgin. I swear, no man has seen me naked before. Abeg. I’m sorry for deceiving you.”
His reaction was instantaneous. It was like someone doused him with a bucket freezing cold water. He took a step back and stared at my face.
“Are you serious or joking?”
“I’m serious,” I said, shaking like a young palm frond.
“I’m sorry I touched you without your consent,” he said, stepping further away. “I’m sorry I touched you at all. So, are you hungry? Would you like to eat now?”
I’m one of the fortunate few; I can name quite several girls who weren’t so lucky. Some raped, others who died. But I was blessed to meet a gentleman, thanks to Angel Andikpeme, my guardian angel. And just like that, I made a friend for life. Lol.
You think parenting is difficult till you are to parent your teenage daughter. Lol.
So, what about you? Tell me. What foolishness did you get up to in your twenties?