What “road modem”?

Seriously Nigerians, I am sick and tired of hearing how this person and that person and the other person are “negatively influencing your children”.

Maybe one of the perks of turning 40, is also getting a bit slower on the uptake because you better believe me, I just don’t gerrit.

I don’t.

So, consider this a “Road Modem Micro Masters”, a short course for all the confused parents of the world, designed to help them figure out who their children’s role models should be.

I’ll keep it brief, I know all of us in Nigeria are plagued with SASS (Short Attention Span Syndrome), I don’t want to lose you before this Micromasters class is over.

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The following are NOT your children’s “road modems”:


2. Actresses

3. Actors

4. Politicians

5. Musicians

6. Billboard models

7. That stewpeed giyal down the street that is always wearing “bomb shorts”.

8. That alaye area boy that will not stop smoking kwale’s finest and toasting girls by describing their anatomy as they walk past him on the streets.

9. Olamide (don’t ask, won’t tell)

10. President Buhari

The following ARE your children’s “road modems”:

1. You.


*crickets chirping*


Okay, that’s it.

Class dismissed.

This is one micromasters course that requires only one lesson and is usually passed at one sitting by serious parents who understand how the parental control option of their remote controls and internet WiFi works.

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The rest of you will require an exam where you would have to explain to the examiners what it is you keep looking for on those channels where you constantly keep finding the wrong “road modems” for your children.

Is it required viewing for a discussion in Sunday School? Or Bible Study?

A second exam question would also require you to explain to us who those Nigerians are that subscribe to all that porn, earning us the rank of the country with the 4th highest traffic rankings on porn sites.

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Maybe I am the one racking up all that traffic right?

Get a life and go and start “road modemming”.

You cannot blame Tiwa Savage if your child goes gaga down the line.

As earlier promised, it is a one lesson master class.

Class dismissed.


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One Thought to “What “road modem”?”

  1. ogbe Immaculate

    The matter tire me, people who want to blame other people for their lapses as parents

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