Hosting guests can be fun, as a matter it should be fun. Especially when you have a fine house. But will Nigerians allow it to be fun? You guessed right- Mbah!
Here’s a list of the 9 most common, annoying and hilarious types of guests. If you like to open your doors to people, then you’ve probably met some of them. If you want to start opening your doors to people then brace up, because one day one of the crazies on this list will break out of jail and come a-guesting in your abode.
- The ones that come to visit and leave their home training behind
You know how back when we were young our parents taught us, scratch that warned us, scratch that again, bullied us into never ever eating food we were offered when we went visiting? Well for this class of guests, its either they didn’t get that memo, or they just forget their home training at home.
Because not only do they eat, they sprawl themselves all over your living room, answer their calls in really loud voices such that no one else in the house can hold a conversation, use your toilet and mess it up, find a way to cause wahala between you and your neighbours, and also find a way to break one or two in your house before you finally shove them out the door.
- The ones that act like they paid half the rent
These ones come in, throw themselves on your favourite couch, possess your remote and tune in to the tv station of their choice without as much as a glance at you, regardless of whether you like said tv station or not.
And then when whatever it is they are watching goes on a commercial break, they sashay into your kitchen and help themselves to whatever food is in your pot like they gave you money to cook. They don’t even bother to clear the table when they are done, they just leave the plates there like they came along with a help.
- The unannounced ones
These ones just show up without any prior notice, invitation or call. And you guessed right- they still go on to expect full visitor privileges. And if you dare ask them why they didn’t call before coming, they feign annoyance and tie the wrapper of sensitivity so that you are left looking like the bad guy. In your own house oh!
- The tag along ones
These are the guests that you didn’t invite but that came along with another friend of yours. Most times they are total strangers to you with the only familiarity between you and them being the guest you actually invited. This is always awkward, because you hardly know what to talk about with them.
- The paparazzi
Paparazzi is the dictionary name for professional amebo with plenty free time and nice camera. These ones come into your house and actually take pictures of the house to use in validating whatever gossip they peddle behind you. Sometimes they have the decency to make it seem like they are taking pictures of themselves and the house just happened to photobomb them, and other times they boldly just snap the house.
- The ones that come to finish your food
Once you make the mistake offering them food, you entrap yourself. They keep ordering for more, and even ask for variety “Put indomie on the side, spaghetti in the middle and rice on top”.
Sometimes they don’t even wait for you to offer food, they just keep dropping hints on how hungry they are or they blatantly ask you to give them food. They even order for drinks to help them “wash” down the food. And if you dare say you did not cook, they will sniff the food out and tell you they “perceive aroma in the air”.
- The ones that come and refuse to go
It’s either these forget that guests are supposed to visit and go or from the start they had no intentions of leaving. They keep prolonging their usually clichéd and boring jists so they’ll stay past the time when you can no longer send them out for fear of their safety. Very sneaky and slimy ones these guests are.
- The one that actually came to charge phone and press phone
These ones pretend they came to see you or check up on you, but we be knowing they actually came to charge. Immediately they are inside they start hunting for a socket and once they find one they stay glued to it until their phone battery gets fully charged. They offer no gist, no companionship and no help.
They just come to divide the oxygen in your house. And oh, did I mention that they only come when there’s a blackout on the street and your generator is on?
- The ones that actually came to shit
The moment they have both feet inside they ask if they can use your toilet and then disappear into it for an hour or more, when they are done with their business they came up with an excuse for why they can’t stay long. Fam, they came to empty their bowels, shikina!
- The ones that respect themselves
These are the model citizens, the reasonable people that come along with their home training, eat what they are served, offer amazing conversation and leave when they should leave.
Now why can’t everybody just respect themselves in this country?