Recently, there was so much Facebook drama over an update that sought to briefly educate ladies on what it looks like when a guy is truly in love. Well, I followed the drama for a while, and in the course of doing that, on one of those threads, I stumbled on this question:
“OK, so, how do I know a lady truly loves me?”
Her ACTIONS – words can lie, actions don’t – simple.
However, while it is true that ACTION SPEAKS LOUDER THAN WORDS – fact is, in some cases – a lady might just be “stringing you along” and showing you all the caring, smothering you with affection etc – till such a time when she’s got no more use for you. In such case, I’ll say, you were kept coz you met a particular need for a time e.g – she finds everything about you boring but still sticks to you coz you’re STABLE. If eventually she finds a more fun man that offers “some stability,” she may likely leave or cheat on you. The verdict – SHE WAS NEVER IN LOVE WITH YOU – SHE WAS IN LOVE WITH YOUR STABILITY.
In lieu of this –
I think the question should be “how do I know if a lady CAN LOVE ANYONE?”
Yes – IF SHE CAN TRULY LOVE, THEN SHE WOULDN’T LIE TO A MAN ABOUT LOVING HIM.
One fact to first consider though –
A person that is incapable of loving him/herself can not TRULY love anyone – you can’t give what you don’t have.
So, if she truly loves herself, she:
1. Doesn’t compare herself to others
2. Appreciates her strengths and flaws and doesn’t try to feign PERFECTION.
3. Knows who she is and DOESN’T TRY TO BE SOMEONE ELSE.
4. Looks past MATERIAL GAINS.
5. Patient and TAKES THINGS ONE DAY AT A TIME.
6. Defines herself BY HER EFFORTS, NOT ACCOMPLISHMENTS.
7. Doesn’t hold on to a past hurt nor punishes herself/others for the past.
8. Doesn’t define herself BY THE STANDARD OF OTHERS.
9. Doesn’t abase or look down on herself in any way.
10. So much in touch with her emotions and tries to understand them rather than quickly discard them. She tries making use of even the negative emotions TILL THEY YIELD POSITIVES.
11. She nurtures herself, admires herself, believes in herself, treats herself like her own best friend, she expresses herself in every way, she’s sensitive but persistent about what she wants, she doesn’t find it hard saying NO to what she doesn’t want, SHE IS goal oriented…etc.
It all boils down to SELF RESPECT.
While NOTHING IS SET IN STONE, as other yardsticks might exist for measuring her ability to love, still, a woman that does all the above speaks with sincerity when she says – I LOVE YOU.
…and since love is TRULY ABOUT “come be a part of what I’ve got to offer”, rather than “what have you got to offer” – she treats you exactly same way she treats herself.
Bottom line – if she doesn’t treat herself with respect, you would be no exception – then, she doesn’t love you. In same manner, if she doesn’t treat herself with respect but accord you respect, she’s either desperate, got self esteem issues or she’s stringing you along – either ways, it ain’t Love, no, nothing close to it.
Perfect is boring, to be human is beautiful…