7 Things You Should Not Do In an Obodo Oyibo Hospital

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My fellow Nigerians,

If by some stroke of luck you find yourself outside the shores of this country practicing medicine or health sciences(in fact, anything that has to do with pharmacy, vet medicine, general medicine or all its related gbogbonishe, I suggest you take this post very serious. Things are happening in the abroad that although is permissible here, it can get you a jail term outside the shores of Nigeria.

That said, here are 7 things you should NOT do in ANY obodo oyibo hospital:

1. Do not pray for patients

See eh, don’t just allow the devil to use you. I said devil because those oyibo people are not smiling at all. It is almost as if they want to wipe out all traces of Christianity. A Christian nurse with 15 years’ experience was sacked in the UK for offering to pray with patients. Her conduct was termed as “inappropriate and inconveniencing”. If you are in the medical sector, please take note.  No prayers unless the patient specifically asks for it.

2.  Do not talk too much

Anything you say will and can be used against you in a foreign hospital. Don’t go telling the patients what they want to hear because you want to give them hope. Learn the art of diplomacy and no matter how much “soul” you lose to your patients, learn how to control the situation. There have been instances of patients suing medical facilities because of false hope or misconstrued statements made by doctors to patients.

3. Do not try to convert people to your religion

A lot of people make the mistake of doing evangelism just because their patient is lying sick and helpless on a hospital bed. Apart from some words of encouragement, trying to shove down your religion down someone’s throat is a NO-NO. Don’t this America is a place where you can scatter megaphones upandan. Just because you think a patient may die without “seeing the light” is not enough reason to force conversion. Doctors have lost their jobs dues to reported cases. Alternatively, engage the patient in uplifting talks that can bother on general topics and shared belief but do not be a fanatical about it if you truly love your job.

4. Inviting the patient’s family members to come and sow seeds of healing in your church

Don’t even try this one at all. You think London is Abuja? Not only will you be arrested, you are likely to get multiple count charges of fraud, extortion and some other orishirishi grammar. Those oyibo people have no chill at all. Before you know it, they are giving you o e sentence that will last for at least 5 years.

5. Suggesting  Alternative Medicine

Don’t be tempted to offer what you think is an alternative to the prescribed solution. While you have good intentions and would want to help a patient in pain, prescribing solutions that have not been approved by the FDA is tantamount to shooting yourself in the foot. You need to get approval before you suggest any medication and it has to get the endorsement of the appropriate authorities.

6. Aiding a patient who seeks for death via ‘mercy killing’

No matter how much a patient seeks death, it is not to your duty to administer the death needle. Talk things out with the resident doctor and let it be in record that you reported a patient’s wish to the hospital management. While “mercy killing” is legal in some countries, it is a punishable offence in others.

7. Don’t take advantage of your patient’s nudity no matter how sexy he is.

There are many cases of patients falling in love with their doctors and vice versa. If you are attracted to your patient (let’s say he is the oyibo version of RMD), it is advisable you discontinue any form of inappropriate rendezvous especially within the hospital. If he or she gets better, you can explore the possibility outside the hospital grounds or when the patient has been discharged. Any other thing is breaching the doctor-patient relationship. Try to avoid unnecessary groping especially if you are subjected to seeing his or her naked body all day long.

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