All For a Facebook Post…

Dear reader, I hail o.

It’s been a while I showed up in your face to discuss a few things with you, so being that I’m your guy, and I know you like to catch up with the Catchup Guy, I decided to slide into your browser with this little bit of thought that cropped up in my mental fishnet.

You see, a great man once said, “we are all fishermen in the sea of sensation, and our environment is a determining factor in what kind of fish pops up in our nets.” That is why it is hard for a child who went to ota-akara nursery school and kwuli-kwuli primary school to do his common entrance and suddenly land in Kings’ College. Or Queens’ College. Whatever. You get my drift.

Special thanks to the internet, things have become more simple and now, maybe even more complex. While it is easier for a person to breach hitherto impossible heights, break boundaries, and connect to the wider world; it has also exposed our wisdom and foolishness to a wider audience. So my point is: Dear reader, watch your step o. The internet is a slippery place.

Okay, let me gist you. Some days back, a colleague and friend, Hymar by name, wrote a brilliant post on the recent saga involving head Pastor and general overseer of Omega  Fire Ministry – Apostle Johnson Suleman and a girl who was alleged to be a stripper – and the various actions and interactions that took place between them. His post bordered on the relationship between walking with God, working for God, and pride.

He gave examples on how people being proud, or too confident and secure in their efforts could lead to downfall. Now Hymar is a brilliant writer, and one of his biggest strengths is the ability to be so frank and relatable in a way that brings the truth up in your face and pounds it into the reader’s mind with the sureness of a carpenter hammering in nails. So the aforementioned post was garnished with the slang and peppered with the streetwise humour and the trademark flavor that has made him a reader’s favorite over the years.

The post was on facebook, which is his favorite watering hole, and accompanied by a beautiful picture (frankly, I don’t know where these people get such awesome and inspiring pictures from), but that is not the point. Let’s not get sidetracked.

Apparently, because the post made reference to some biblical figures and dealt in part with the antics of a pastor, the post somehow found its way to a church whatsapp group that I am a member of. Remember me telling you that the internet is a slippery place? Aha, take note. You will see it again. In fairness to the poster, his name was appended to the bottom of the post, albeit wrongly spelt, but that is not the amazing part. From every hole in the wood work, people began to crawl out, pontificating and waxing lyrical on the post, exposing the amazing gaps in their various thought processes.

One of the ones that amused and amazed me the most was the fellow who said the post was rubbish, because in his words: “it negated everything that Christ came for, and using the old testament examples of Moses, Samson, Saul, and David was wrong”

And in my mind I’m like “Yes, I hear you.”

Forgive me, dear reader, but can I be a teeny weeny bit spiritual? Or can I just pretend?

Look at churches, all around us. They litter the streets and avenues of every major (and even some minor) cities in our country. Every mushroom place you can think of is a church. An inquiry will get you answers like “where two or three are gathered in His name, He is there”; and you marvel because some of these mushroom churches literally  have two or three members, and whichever semi-educated fellow that can get a “rain-suit”(where suit meets raincoat) and stand in front of the assembled trio or quartet can instantly label himself the “Presiding Prelate”, “General Overseer” “Head Pastor”, “God’s General”, or “Spiritual Leader”. I don’t even know what these guys smoke in order to dream up these titles. it makes no difference whatsoever that whatever the fellow titles himself

I don’t even know what these guys smoke in order to dream up these titles. It makes no difference whatsoever that whatever the fellow titles himself has no formal or theological training. He rents a small shop somewhere, and before you can say “touch not my anointed”, he has become pastor of a church. One would assume that with Christianity so vibrant and rampant, that vice would be on the retreat. But no, the beer parlours have kept on opening, joints of all sorts and shades have yet to shut down for lack of business, and women of easy virtue have yet to report a drop in profits of the skin trade.

In the corporate world, Nigerian Breweries Plc has failed to declare a loss, which means that despite the frightening amounts of beer and alcoholic drinks they produce, it all gets quaffed down; and we have not gotten to the level of technological advancement where we have smart beers that can drink themselves. Despite the dire warnings, from “… dangerous to health” to the new and more poignant “Smokers are liable to die young”, new brands have hit the market, meaning that the demand still exceeds supply. So what is all the Christianity worth?

Let me tell you the thing, my dear reader. Most of the people you find on social media running their mouths and waxing lyrical on every matter under the sun are not deep, or overly intelligent. They simply have data. DATA. That is the root cause of this wahala. Data, and a need to impress your neighbor, his wife, and their generator with your command of witlessness and ability to chase smoke and mirrors.

All for one simple facebook post.

You have data, I know. Oya comment!

Thank you.

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