Back Door Wahala – Battle of the “Sexes”

When you wan see different sets of fangs for Naija version of Facebook, just mention 3 things:

1. Religion
2. Tribe
3. Gay/homosexual/coupling through the anus aka ‘Ikpo ntu’?

My sister my brother, anything wey you see, you take o!

Na so Florida Uzoaru waka go find wahala yesterday and they came for her, both those wey dey reject the idea, with those wey wan do amebo, to those wey dey condemn, down to those wey dey bash am with style. This one na kasala dey sleep, iyanga waka jejely go wake am o.

She posted “Ok, I’m going to come right out and say it:

The secret to anal sex is lubrication!!!! Copious amount!!! And patience. And a listening ear – to hear when a person is saying ‘hold on a minute, it’s hurting when it shouldn’t’. Much like the principles that apply to vaginal sex, but because many people are a lot more ignorant about anal sex, it’s doubly important that someone in his ignorance doesn’t harm you in the name of sex.

All these stories flying around Facebook and Twitter about bleeding anuses, these are people who aren’t doing it right. And if it’s not being done right. STOP IT!!!

Bleeding while having sex, except during menstruation, is a cause for worry. Get to your doctor right away.”
Nwegbe Nwachukwu concurred sharpely “Good point Florida Uzoaru. We like indulge in things we dont hv d experience for. Mtchewwww. Those who have the skills r silently enjoying the fun”.

Iheoma Obibi armed with her tipa load of h-experience and wisdom, commented “Licking pussy or vagina as it is called is an aberration for many people especially those in “faith”. The long and short of everything is safety whilst engaged in any sexual practice – licking the vagina use dental dams; giving a blow job use a condom – especially for partners whose sexual history you do not know. These are all sexual choices we make as CONSENTING adults. We may or may not like these choices but it is important that individuals know that when you engage in these choices you have to be safe and knowledgeable. After all, some people like BDSM other’s do not. I cannot condemn being tied up and telling another adult that its is risky. All I can do is advise them on ensuring they have “safe words” for them and their partner. Off course, these adult choices change once a “MINOR” is in involved. Now, that is statutory rape and on a different level.”

She further said, “the major problem with the whole debate around the anus is the pretence that it is “homosexual sex”. Well, as a wholesaler of adult toys, my biggest customers and products that fly off my stock room selves are anal products. All bought by Nigerian women wanting to satisfy their Nigerian male partners who want to try it. Many of the women are scared and not interested but do not want their partners (read husband, boyfriend, sugar daddy, whatever) to get sex elsewhere. So they are willing to do anal just to keep the relationship alive. These women are having anal sex with somebody. It is not themselves.”

Then the machine gun started firing, association of ‘I will never ever jumpan pass any post weh no concern me’, came out in quantum to ‘drop their mind’.

Their chairlady, Laila St. Matthew-Daniel vented “Anal sex is an aberration as far as the different creative orifices are concerned! It is meant to expel faeces and not for sex. Might as well put food into the nostrils since it still joins the mouth and esophagus….or use the ear …! My own opinion but advise is good for those who are involved in the aberration!”

The replies wey follow am eeh, gat me rolling?!

Emmanuel Olufemi Akande with his ‘cumious’ self, replied her “The mouth is meant for eating food but it still finds itself swallowing the phallus, we can as well call that “an aberration,” can’t we ma’am? ?”
Laila resorted “For me – yes Madam! Every orifice has its usage and functions as created by God but man has recreated other functions as suits them. Every one to their choice. It is not my place to judge but I will state the biological and spiritual angle of anal and mouth sex??”.

‘Cumious’ sombori Emmanuel Akande, refused to back down, he h-entered h-eighteen sharp sharp, he replied her “To each his/her own then.
I’m personally thinking of some creative use for the ears and nostrils though. ?”

Grammar goddess Temidayo Ahanmisi, reminded her “The vagina is an opening for expelling menstrual blood, just so you know.” (??)
Florida Uzoaru told her “Laila St., thankfully, our body parts know how to multi-task” (loud it!)

Adamma Ann carried her amebo character to come poke nose and Florida and her army educated her very very well (e sweet my belle eeh?)


Austine Ejeke clothed with ‘I must safeguard the anus’ mission commented “You did not add that the woman should buy loads of pampers for leaking anus!”
Oga with special h-experience in anal sex matters Nwachukwu Nwegbe chided him “Nah Austin. Not all ladies leak. U jus spoke like an inexperienced personnel”
Florida educated him “Austine, if you are doing it right, she won’t need pamper. So the onus on you is to do it right”
Austine screamed out in horror “Tufiakwa! I will leave wet vagina and be chukking a hard anus!” (E reach to shout biko?)
Jorgio Simplico ranted “Florida..I beseech you to take an online poll and let’s see how many women like it in the ass-hole.” And Florida lectured him wella “Jorgio ok, let me educate you (if you’re open to it, that is), a lot of women are not having anal sex because they like it. they are having it because their partners want it. So, no, this survey you are asking me to conduct is not the right one. But, if you’re so interested in it, you’re welcome to conducting it yourself.” Henry the h-experienced Oga in anal matters cautioned Jorgio “All this isnt necessary. Jorgio Simplicio. U dont like anal and will never practice it. Let it go”

Euphemia Petercletus fully covered with her Christian regalia chanted “All of una wey dey advocate what God forbade the day una cup go full na heart attack go be una punishment. God in his divine wisdom has made everything the way it should function why are u changing what should be natural. Remember all homo and lesi are liable to die young cos they are abusing nature.” And Oby Ugochukwu Essien replied her “Including everyone who, lies, judges others, has premarital sex, covets their neighbors properties, etcetera etcetera…?” (bar man, give that gentle somborri 2 chilled bottles of alomo?)
Asiri lovers, they are still sparking imilimious grammar and asiri haf migrated to another happening place fas fas, eez nuh be that wee be debating what 2 consenting adults are doing with their bodies o

Anal ni sex ko?

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2 Thoughts to “Back Door Wahala – Battle of the “Sexes””

  1. Tolu

    Just goes to show our level of pretense. I’m happy that someone who sells sex toys has categorically said that the sales are hitting the roof and flying off the shelves.

    Make we dey deceive ourselves, what folks do in the confines of their room is no one’s business. So for those who are condemning the initial post, they are on their own.

  2. Vivian

    lollest. Hypocritical Nigerians

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