Dear Nigerians – How was ya Night?

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Dear Nigerians,

How was ya night?

Four words that trigger so much angst in so many of us that it literally begs the question: what is in a greeting?

If someone says ‘how was your night’ to you, what triggers you off so badly that – going by some of the accounts we read of your umbrage – you literally want to yank your hair out by the roots?

In order to answer this question for myself, all by myself, I decided to adopt a two-pronged approach and research methodology (trying to sound all academic and all that) and looked, at first, that bastion of knowledge and repository of ‘oversabiness’, the almighty search engine – Google; and second, at our background as humans.

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First, the google search.

Apparently, ‘how is your night’ is such an aberration and assault on human sensibilities that the first five pages of a search on Google (which I expect you all know, is the indicator of how ‘h0t’or ‘pressing’ a conundrum is), turned up only loooooooooong and extremely onekaintious articles by Nigerians, all of whom, surprise, surprise, had an obligatory oyinbo friend from any of the western countries, who was so assaulted by a ‘how was your night’ question, that they nearly had an apoplectic fit.

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Said oyinbo friend remained unnamed in all the stories.

None of the oyinbo friends did long, angsty articles complaining about these backward Africans asking to know how their nights went.

The only evidence we had that any such encounter with oyinbos who so hated that question, was the second, third and sometimes even as far down as 1oth hand report, of their Nigerian friends – who were writing the articles. We are not saying you are lying o, just pointing out that a duck is quacking somewhere around you.

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So, I didn’t bother to go beyond five pages deep. All I deduced from asking Uncle Googoo to help me answer that question, is that ‘how is your night’ is a truly Nigerian problem that appears more pressing than say… Fulani Herdsmen, for instance, an ailing economy, the ongoing brain drain, Minister of Darkness’ stellar performance, the disappearance of Lai Mohammed from public view, Dino Melaye’s eating of humble pie and swallowing all of his insults on GEJ to snap a peeshor with the same GEJ, etc…

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