The one thing that causes alot of people to shut themselves outside, away from love, is an inability to trust the content of their hearts – their opinions, and entertaining fears centered around the possibility of a person taking undue vantage of them. However, surviving within your head, keeping guard, ensuring nobody will exploit you to their advantage (which still happens one way or the other) also stands in your way of encountering that particular entity you so badly crave – unbridled love and affection.
Relying on your heart’s content or wits give you no guarantee of never encountering individuals that have set out to use you to their advantage – this is ‘coz, in as much as your mind has not learnt all it’s instructions, pain, let-downs, dishonesty and heartbreaks would keep recurring. The only one thing your wits can help you with here is, your not having to keep dwelling on these pains – thereby having you playing the victim card. I mean, your heart would help teach you a thing or two about the portions of your mentality that has been at the root of your let-downs and heartbreaks; from these, enlightenment in borne, you would have discovered yourself, the pains would have helped evolve you into a better lover at the end of the day.
Success ought to be deliberate, so, in order that you date with deliberate reasons, I’ve listed below several wisdom nuggets that could empower you. It’s my hope that, you would find dating successes as you make use of them:
1. If, before you ventured into a relationship, you always felt empty within you, being in a relationship won’t change it. It’s just a matter of time before you return to same emotional emptiness – could even turn out worse.
2. Need an ideal partner? Take a closer look at the sort of guys/ladies you dated before. That wasn’t a coincidence, it wasn’t your village people at work either. You – and at times, your environment – are the only common denominator in all your relationships.
3. Your thought process, your mentality is the sole culprit for alot of the heartbreaks you’ve suffered in the process of loving.
4. Paying close attention to your thought process is the first action needed in getting rid of these dysfunctional patterns recurring in your quest for love.
5. Encountering genuine love with several people is very much possible – “soul mates” abound, you could have more than one “soul mate.”
6. The idea of meeting “Mr. Perfect” – that man/woman who would complete you in all ways is at best, a mirage – at worse, a myth. “Mr/Miss Right” would be there for you in alot of ways. It’ll be a total deviation from reality expecting one individual to be there for you in EVERY WAY.
7. Loneliness or desperation almost never bear sound decisions – anchoring on these two would only have you experiencing pains, heart breaks and relationship let downs.
8. Changing who you are or adjusting your values to fit into the picture of what a man/woman might want – and hoping he/she finds you compatible would never change the fact that you lost yourself and what you actually perceive as compatibility is actually a false appearance – when push comes to shove, one person may likely leave, or the relationship becomes dead, surviving only by name.
9. Loving a person for their potentials instead of who they genuinely are, would only get you bitter and frustrated.
10. You might think you’re actually in love when you embark on emotionally driven rescue missions but you just might be interpreting sympathy as love.
11. Falling for a person that’s also your “mentor/role model” could pose real difficulties – especially if your intention is a functional relationship.
12. Strong sexual vibes isn’t always love, it’s just what it is – sexual vibes. Get a room and clear your head or something.
13. Similar sexual preferences and appetites is a great pointer to the possibility of an amazing sexual relationship. And yes, while sex isn’t love, holding back on sex can’t help you tell if he truly loves you, it’ll only, sadly, serve to make the sex the point of his focus.
14. If he/she never opens up to you about his/her feelings, no, you’re not having a relationship, what you have is a “situation-ship.”
15. A person in a long distance arrangement often tend to feel the relationship is actually better than it truly is.
16. Genuinely begin loving yourself and soon you’ll find yourself rebuffing all attempts aimed at disrespecting or abusing you.
17. Keep looking long enough at that closed door and you never would be able to see that open door right before you. The greater the indignation you have in your mind against that past of your’s, the greater would be your inability to genuinely love someone in your present.
18. Acquire the ability to “be aware” of people using your mind instead of with your eyes or ears, and soon, you’ll start attracting individuals that would be better fitting – in healthy ways – and with great compatibility with your nature too.
Bottom line, while following your heart might get you hurt, still, follow, or how else do you intend growing emotionally sound enough to be able to genuinely experience love? At times, there truly ain’t gains without pains.
Perfect is boring, to be human is beautiful.