Since posting my last article – 18 Things You Should Bear In Mind If You Genuinely Seek Love – I’ve received loads of messages from several individuals that mostly have one thing in common – they’re pleasant, good-natured, affectionate, tolerant people that are with partners that have little to no regard for them – they’re being treated indifferently, taken undue advantage of non-stop. “Confused” is the best way to describe how they feel about most of their relationships ending up in some “use-re-use-dump-use” dysfunctional circle, instead of a love-affection-respect-love pattern. They all wish things had turned out better.
“What could be the issue with me? I’m totally out of ideas on the next line of action,” they all seem to subconsciously ask.
While we know that people who care for no one but themselves, who also intend possessing and taking over the lives of those they date, all the while, getting high on the idea that they are some sort of Cupid’s living gift to those of the opposite gender are emotionally toxic psychos, it still wouldn’t take away from the truth – we show people exactly how we want to be treated.
A whole lot of us are yet to come to the realization that all we put out into the universe – our utterances, actions, the people that are drawn to us – is to a great percentage subject to our mastery. Sadly, a few of us have no other mortal enemies but ourselves – we subconsciously send out negative vibes, and it causes negative people to come our way, at the end of it all, when we find ourselves in relationships, we go against all that’s supposed to represent our greatest interests.
Check out these patterns, notice one or two familiar things?
1. You found yourself in love at the drop of a hat, you began seeking commitment almost as soon as the relationship began. Hey, you’d not even ascertained whether or not he felt like “going far” with you.
Diagnosis: “Neediness and clingy’ness” are your failings.
2. You placed him high up a pedestal, walked extremes to sacrifice things for him, adjusted your life’s goals, built your world around him and had him making all the decisions in the relationship – all in a bid to cater to his pleasure.
Diagnosis: Your desperation for validation is appalling, your self-worth is in question, so is your identity.
3. You were “treading softly,” as though you walked on eggshells, being scared of angering him, always worried you just might do something that may drive him to stop fancying you. You couldn’t even have an opinion as, within you, you felt there wasn’t going to be anything of value you could add to discussions.
Diagnosis: Your insecurity and self confidence issues need to be visited.
4. You held back on your feelings – or on information pertaining to you, or perhaps, you “censored” your thoughts – all in a bid to be in control. Infact, you almost couldn’t see past “who has the control” while in that relationship. You belonged to the “I prefer a man that loves me more than I love him” crew. Basically, you relied on manipulations and mind games to get by in the relationship.
5. You over analyzed the relationship – every of his actions, thoughts, gestures and looks were almost always under constant x-ray by you and your friends, so much so that you found anxiety taking the best of you.
Diagnosis: Should you even be in a relationship if you can’t trust?
6. You were putting up appearances – feigning happiness, making hyperbolic gestures the way you feel etc – all for attention or affection.
Diagnosis: You’re unoriginal.
7. In the quiet of your mind, you carried profound wrath, anxiety and inadequacy – and you always acted on these emotions even in situations that called for no knee jerk reactions.
Diagnosis: You’re a drama queen.
8. For some strange reasons, you found yourself disliking people that treat you with respect or regard, the douche-bag that saw no worth in you caught your attention and fed fat all the negatives you thought of yourself.
Diagnosis: You’ve got an unhealthy attachment style.
Now, you’ve found the root cause(s) of your disappointments, that’s a good thing. But, what do you intend doing with all that info – whine, throw tantrums and excuses till you feel better about yourself? Or perhaps, some self reflection and practical work? Whichever way you choose, we’ll always be here to help you find a path of heart.
Perfect is boring, to be human is beautiful.