At times, I find myself laughing really hard at the ways of some of my fellow Naija guys. Most of us dey feel say we sharp – during our dating years, we mostly prefer the free-spirited, sociable ladies – ‘coz they usually are lively, adventurous and fun to be with. But after dating and leaving so many of such ladies – and at that point we wanna settle down – WE BEGIN LOOKING FOR STABILITY, a very good move (it always seems) at the time though, so…well, we get ourselves some innocent acting young lady that:
– Talks little
– Has got few friends
– Doesn’t go out much, loves indoors to a fault
– Agrees with our every thoughts, never challenges our decisions
– Is a good cook, is good with kids
– Doesn’t like sex
LOL…yeah…we tell ourselves – SHE IS WIFE MATERIAL, I’M MARRYING HER AND THAT IS THE END TO GAME PLAYING…hahahaha…oh how wrong we often are…
Whatever the case though, the wedding comes, we perform all traditional rites, we make all the noise, take those great looking wedding pictures *and you know, all that*…LOL. It shapes out smoothly – yup! Living the good life – getting married to your dream woman – “the innocent”…*cool stuff*…real cool!*
Fast forward…6 to 7 years into the marriage…and…
*Oh my, is this you?
You’ve fallen back to old ways – you’re now an incurable cheat, a terrible player – attending non-stop “late night meetings” that have you home reeking of female fragrance – and what’s that new habit you picking up? Oh yeah, you started a serious love affair with “the beer bottle”….hmmm…reality staring you right in the face?
*enters the doc…takes a seat right in front of the depressed drunk male*
Doc: I don’t get it man…but you’re married to the woman of your dreams…what could be happening?
Drunk male: Seriously doc, I don’t understand myself. She takes good care of our kids, she is a superb cook and a wife material…but…but…*stuttering*
Doc: Speak up now, speak or forever wallow in your misery!
Drunk male: …but…I just resent her…I just don’t know why I dislike her so much…
Doc: *lowering his gaze a little*…*thinking*…hmmm…you dislike her? How on earth could that be possible? You said she offers you STABILITY
Drunk male: Yes doc, the truth is…
*she doesn’t talk much..
*she doesn’t wanna go out – even with me..
*she now complains sex twice a week is a chore
*she never shares her opinions with me regarding my business.
*…the doc cuts in…*
Doc: Wait…wait…wait! Hold it right there…but those were the exact reasons you chose to hook with her in the first place. Does this mean you’re starting to resent her for same reasons you married her? Does this mean you were never in love with her BUT IN LOVE WITH THE STABILITY SHE OFFERED?
Drunk male: ???? *puzzled*
…the answer to that question is a YES!
This is what happens in most Nigerian marriages these days – after a fun loving guy must have played around, he gets some “innocent gal” to marry ‘coz she offers stability. Some years into the marriage – and he’s back outside there seeking fun again, hurting his wife in the process? Why?
*The moment our home front is secure, most of we men usually experience a craving for “our true natures” (if we’ve not been living it in years), hence, it’ll only be a matter of time till we fall back to old ways.
THE TRUTH? STABILITY CAN NEVER PASS FOR COMPANIONSHIP – even though it is important. YOUR WOMAN COULD BE A HOME MAKER, BUT IT WOULDN’T NECESSARILY MEAN YOU ARE GREAT FRIENDS. Only in physics do unlike charges attract, in marriage – only like charges attract and stick together. If you don’t wanna keep enduring a failed marriage, marry someone who shares most values with you – not a dignified cook or babysitter – except if you truly share those “ideals” with her anyways. LOL.
My point? All marriages have their down times – when love is threatened, ONLY WITH A COMPANION CAN YOU SCALE THROUGH.
To be human is beautiful, perfect is boring.