If Fulani Herdsmen and Boko Haram were to suddenly converge upon your hamlet at the same time and by some quaint stroke of luck, the herdsmen were able to overcome Boko Haram, would you then be safe to assume that Fulani Herdsmen are your friends?
If Nigerian police, on the other hand, were to chance upon a rampaging band of Boko Haramists tearing your village apart; and by some strange stroke of luck, the Nigerian police were fully and better armed, and didn’t need you to roger for fuel first, and had men who were more inclined to stand and fight than to pull off their uniforms and berets and mingle with the crowd…
…and this fictional band of the Nigerian police was to tackle the haramists headlong and end up defeating them and liberating your village, would you be considered a mad man if you declared, “The Nigerian Police is my friend?”
This in spite of the fact that their pot-bellied brothers are bound to delay you over N50 roger until you miss a multi-million naira contract; the IPOs decide the merit of cases brought to them on “who go fit roger pass” – accused or accuser; and the police spokesman has recently declared the duplicitous pepper spray an “offensive weapon.”
Who would you be in a greater hurry to embrace and declare your “friend” and messiah from the evil and rampaging insurgents?
Okay, a tape trended a couple of days back, where a randy he-goat of a university don was suggesting to his student that if she could give “it” to him five times, he would reciprocate with a much needed 7 marks that would raise her scores from a failing 33 to a passable 40.
As in, whatever “it” was, if Aunty delivered it to Uncle 5 times; she would be able to thumb her nose at someone who narrowly missed passing the course by one mark, and prepare happily, for the next level of the course she already woefully failed and for which an attempt to at least understand the course either through sitting a makeup exam or carrying over the course to the next session; was subverted by “It” raised to the power 5.
At this point, I would have said “none of my business”, but for the fact that the student was beginning to be slowly immortalized by Nigerians. All that was left was to send her name down to Imo state for Ndaa Rochas to commission one statue on her behalf. This girl, depending on what end of the joint you were smoking, was suddenly crowned a hero, shero or sheroine.
*In Mr. Ibu’s voice* Leelee?!?!?!
When we were in school, we had a group of (mainly female) students, that we referred to as “nonacademic students”. They were in school with…