Good Can Come From Bad

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If you sit where some people are talking about their exes, you’ll know that the devil is real, his minions are many, and both sexes of our species are capable of wickedness so deep, the  mind cannot fathom it. This kind of exes will make you a believer in Hell, for surely, they cannot carry out such evil deeds on another being and go scot-free. Not all exes are bad though; many people remain on very cordial terms with the ones they once loved.

Good or bad, I think that no matter how bad a relationship was, and whether we admit it or not, there are some very important lessons we learn from them.

Yes, he was evil. But you acquired an invaluable skill—you can now smell evil people from ten miles away. It’s true, she was very manipulative. But don’t you see? These days, your senses can detect every manipulative person both in Nigeria’s airspace and landmass. It was painful, but many of lessons are like that—learned on life’s roughest roads.

Even I, have learned something from an ex. That time, I was a young fine girl. That’s when I met Bobo and soon, love was sharking me. Me that barely knew myself, let alone what I wanted out of this life, it was easy to fall under the spell of his eloquence and attention.

Bedazzled by his seeming intelligence and charisma, it wasn’t long before I lost the little of who I was. He hated it when I disagreed with him. If I questioned him, he’d become sarcastic. So, I kept quiet, ignored his rudeness, and cutting remarks and just did what he asked. Don’t blame me–ees love that was doing me. I soon got to the point where if he nodded, I nodded too. If he asked me to jump, I asked how high. One time, I travelled and happened to sit next to a guy on the bus. Once I told him, he kept me on the phone for an entire 4-hour journey, barring the areas without cell network. Every now and then on that trip, he’d ask me to say I loved him, so the guy beside me would know I was already taken.

Then one day, after a long period during which he was either putting me down or ignoring me in order to punish me, I raised my tiny voice small and asked him, “Guy, wetin I do you? Why do you treat me this way?”

Permit me this clichéd phrase—I’ll never forget what he said to me.

“Babe, when we started dating, you were vivacious and challenging. You knew your mind and spoke it whenever you wished. Now, all you do is be my mirror image. You agree with everything I say and do whatever it is I ask. You’ve become quite boring and unattractive.”

Chayiiiii! Na me be dees? See wash and laundry of life!

At first, I didn’t even know whether to cry or be angry. How dare he? This same person who’d shut me up whenever I voiced a contrary opinion? This same guy, who stopped answering my calls for a week, because someone disagreed with him on a Facebook post, and I agreed with that person? He said it was disrespect. This guy, had the nerve to call me a mirror image?

When I was calmer, I played those words over in my head. And painful though it was, I saw the truth in them. Lesson learned.

So, you sef tink am. There’s got to be one lesson you learned from past? Oya, tell me nah.


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