Hymar + Charles = ?

Grab puff-puff (enough of popcorn jare) buy Zobo drink, carry long bench come to balance ya nyash wella. I wan bless una with better tori but fes of all; make una hail my almighty Asiri gods that whispered to me yesterday to start following Hymar….kikikikikikikikiki

Okay. Let me spill already, do you know Controversial Facebook popular jingo  Hymar Idibie David? The one that had a heated issh with controversial feminist Joy Isi Bewaji sometime last year? (No their beef was feminism unrelated). Dude subbed Bolaji Yusuf and Charles Uzor today!!!! You remember them naa? Bolaji na Information Minister while Charles Uzor na Sarcasm king but Hymar? Still looking for a befitting title to give cause this one do me shut up

He wrote “HAMMOCK.

Disclaimer: it looks like a sub,  it reads like a sub,  but don’t be fooled,  it is actually a sub.

To further clear your doubts:

Subber: Hymar David

Sub title: Hammok.  Or (for those bad at puns)  Amok.  As in Running (H) a(m)mok.

Sub main recipient : Charles Uzor.

Not-so-innocent bystander: Bolaji Yusuf

Sub reason: A respond to a joke of a sub by Charles that was hyped by Hailer in Chief,  Bolaji.

Produced by: Dia Real Dad incorporated.

Directed by: DJ.  Dey-Look-Dem-Face-Well-Well.

***

LET US PREY!!!

1. INTRODUCTION

i. If you are following Bolaji Yusuf’s Gidi Tattles on Mystique Synn’s  syncityng.com , you would come across him forming chief antenna of all subs and shades on Facebook.

Good work. Even if the only place his antenna fit rish na where him buddies dey.  Still good work.

Until he decided to make himself the Kingmaker of subs.

Stop right there!

It is eye-roll worthy enough that you make yourself interpreter and SI unit of measuring sub depth( translation: hailing your friends each time they post pillow soft subs) , but when you start giving local vigilantes the title of army colonels….!  On top sub wey soft like Kleenex!

Somebody says: A for Apple,  B for Boy and you crown him ‘Sub machine gun’

Sub haff suffered.

My fren,  wee you chut up?

Bolaji, friendship is cool,  but I beg you in the mighty name of the almighty Flying Indomie Monster,  get your mouth out of their cocks. You are a married man na.

Go find real subs to hail and stop serving  half-baked 50 naira cupcakes to  your Association of Dickriders. Why cheat them like that?  E good?

ii. Charles Uzor used to be my Facebook friend.  He was one of those k-leg intellectuals who were pushing and defending Buhari as the best thing then.  Of course we argued and debated tire.  I actually had some respect for him.  For his passion.  Even though he was being scammed and using grammar to defend his scammers on top.

When he blocked me one day(He later unblocked me because the missing too much) without any obvious quarrel or argument,  I smiled.  I  no make noise.  Because I understood him.  Small small him eye dey clear and he was probably afraid I would hound him all over Facebook with I-told-you-so if he dared whine about Buhari. Or if he dared open mouth to talk about how church people no get sense.

You that sense full your head and still follow almajiri dey chant ‘Sai Baba’  con dey defend am on top no educational qualification plus daft statements like ‘I will make naira equal to the dollar’, no be jagaban of mumus you be?

Sha,  Why am I surprised sef. Him sef na Nepa Bill Sub king. Na hailing hailers crown am.  Especially with people like Bolaji,  the type that will egg you on to fight in secondary school and after dem don beat buruku commot for your body,  e go  still dey hype you,  Jet Lee.  Jet Lee.  Na you win abeg.

2. HAMMOCK.

This will probably me get reported to Azukaberg for punk-battery and assault.  So let me make it worth the while.

Charles Uzor thinks he is sharp, so I am going to hit him with a blunt axe. Physician, let’s see you heal yourself of blunt force trauma.

Folks,  you can call me a hypocrite but this sub is blessed by God.  God is a subber,   he has given me permission to swallow this Jonah; hook,  line,  sinker,  boots,  fisherman,  canoe. Destiny!  All join.

*belches*

CHARLES,  don’t be fooled by your hailers,  you threw a banger and they called it a bomb.  Your skills haven’t EVOLVED enough to look me in the eye. Your heart is not vicious enough, yet you threw the first stone.  See mind.

You throw small 3-sound knockout my niece fit hold  and dem hail you ‘Sub machine gun’ blah blah. Bro,  I fire canons for fun. I play war games with rocket launchers. CHARLES,  Wait till you hear my BIG BANG then write a THEORY on it and call it a sub.

Nepa Bill Sub king. You drop your juju wey water don beat and they go ALL HAIL.

Me,  when I spray my love potion ,  what breaks loose is ALL HELL.

You see this tornado, they are free to call it a hurricane. Because even though you have a degree,  your sub still never do Freedom. Ma worry sha,  Yam go soon complete.

Call me dropout and yet I am dropping you with sub wey wear suit.  Sub wey dey beardgang.  Sub wey get PhD. Sub wey study abroad.  Sub wey still street.

What you got?  Oh,  6 pack and akpu obi.

You flash 6 pack on Facebook ,but your subs get  potbelly with 6 months bulge. Bro, You need keto diet.  You need fit fam. Isi akpu.

Small rain and they call you a storm. I am a walking Tornado and I am not even making noise. Ex-Buharist with buyer’s remorse.

Even 6 pack,  beardgang and made in Cotonou suit for FB profile picture cannot stop you from looking like fufu wey hand don press.  You think you are tough because you go to an air conditioned gym.   Me I grew up clearing doubts in Ogun,  on the streets versus the Eiyes. Wearing padded gloves,  white tees and jeans on bouncer jobs in Benin.  Ask Joel, ask El Femi . Ask my partner Xtian Warson how many bodies we bagged.  Ask two goons at computer village, ask the people who saw our road rage.

Dafuck is a grammar blowing bum?

I would have liked to fuck you up without vaseline but because I am not gay,  I will just shove a wardrobe up your ass and  leave a hole wide enough for your cocksuckers to shove their dicks in all at once.  Multiple orgasms for you. Title hoe.

You think na by 6 pack, forming intellect and grammar?  Boy,  you have no rep. You are a fraud. I bin  think you get sense,  but Intellectual wey dey defend Nepa bill,  is that one intellectual? Intellectual wey dey defend “I will make naira equal to the dollar, ”  is that one intellectual?

Your atheist arms are too short to box with this god.  I hear you are a Doctor,  but you can’t treat this sickness,  it is just too ill for you.  Stage  5 cancer. Maybe prayer is the answer.  ?

Charles, if you like go bake cake. Me,  I break bread. I am building a bakery to treat your fuckery. Uzor,  Take 5 slices and 2 finishing, sorry,  fishes.  Goodwill gesture.  As a child God,  I cannot hate.  I got nothing but loaf for you.

Tic toc.

****

Dedication: I want to thank the almighty God and my pastor for the success of this album. If no be dem wey dey try for me ehn. ????

To God be the glory.”

#faints

Wake me up when Charles and Bolaji makes a rejoinder cause this is too much for me to bear

And i no find name for am again, I don crown am SUB KING already

 

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