You know that Cold stone ice cream palava Victor Daniel posted that got blown up? Subs, tents, canopies and trailers are flying upandan because of it o.

Queen of Coast Chioma Amaryllis Ahaghotu don sub the guy tire, even Victor Ibeh and Joy Isi Bewaji, Chairpersons, Feminist Association of Nigeria canopied the young man and guess what? He fired back! Today fun die??

Chioma wrote “If you can’t pay for the date, sit your whining ass at home. Dating is for responsible adults son!”

While others are doing ‘gbam!, I concur, as in eeh’, Kizito Chigozie Onyegbule commented “Erm, if it refers to the post I suspect it refers to, I think this is off the mark.

That post was completely tongue-in-cheek, and wasn’t particularly shaming the girl.”

And Chioma resorted “Na you know wetin you dey yarn.”

Chioma made another post “If you ask her out, Unku thou must pay for the date. If thou has no money for it, date your mama you hear.”

She still made a third post “If you can’t afford her taste, then tell her before the first date. It is not after you will come here to cry.No be we send you!”

To all these subs, Victor Daniel fired back with “Today I have seen many things. From humourless people to tush Beggars forming madam independence to screenshot carriers to quasi-feminists who suddenly ditch the equality talk when E don reach date issue.

The ugliest people on Facebook are the ones who act like overexcited teenagers at a Justin Bieber concert when they see a sub. They turn busy bodies once subs start.

A makes a sub post against B, you send the screenshot to B. B responds, you send a screenshot to A wailing “B has subbed you back o”. Weidon sir. Weldon ma. Because your life is more boring than a mathematics class, the only thing to feed your excitement is fanning subs upandan. Instead of you to masturbate.

What’s my own sef. What is doing you is in your body.

But what do I know sef. Me that cannot take a girl out and buy ordinary Coldstone without coming to “cry about it on Facebook”. Even that one that looks like a sun-beaten doll made from cheap plastic material with her crooked teeth like edges of a rusted shovel is throwing subliminal shades. Tboss like you.

Nonsense and Queen of the coast.”

(Guy man get power??)

Victor Ibeh carry his own h-enter 18, he wrote “I honestly don’t understand men who come to social media to cry about a lunch date, because they spent money.

What were you expecting?

You ask a lady for a date, you spend money and then you come here to solicit for sympathy. Did anybody force you to go on that date?

It is for such men we keep encouraging women to have a source of income and to always keep vex money. You could do better than trying to shame a woman because you bought her shawarma.

What is 5000? You spend it on a first date and you are already complaining. I mean, it is something she ate. Are you trying to say that she doesn’t deserve whatever you bought with that money?

Do you people even understand what value is? When you really love a woman, you won’t feel bad, about spending on her.

If she is already your woman and she is always asking for a lunch date, instead of encouraging you to save, that is an issue that requires urgent attention. Even at that, you have the choice of walking away or sticking with her. Don’t come to social media to cry about five thauzand.

People are doing much more than that without publicity. Women take men on lunch dates. Women have taken me out on lunch dates and asked me to eat anything I wanted. They did it because they believed I deserved it. I have also taken women out on lunch dates where I reciprocated.

See, let me tell you. You only complain when you feel that the lady does not deserve the money spent. In that case, you are looking down on her.

If you think you can’t meet up with the financial demands of a woman, there are steps to take, and none of them involves social media mourning.

Another bit of advice. Woo and date people in your class.

Stop going after people bigger than you.

Find those in your financial class and date them. You will not die.

As I am, I know my level. I love respecting myself. I don’t ever go near people above my level. I love my peace of mind. Date people who would appreciate your Iya Basira’s restaurant. Not every lady enjoys eating in a local restaurant.

Don’t force a lady to live by your own reality.

Life is easy when we understand that water finds its level.

Cut your coat according to your cloth.

If for any reason, you decide to violate this principle, please mourn in private and don’t bring your lack of discretion to the public space.

Copyright, Victor Ibeh 2017”

Plenty women were dancing concurring atilogwu dance there sef, hailing Victor for saying their own version of ‘truth’

As usual Oga Vic D clapped back at Vic I, he wrote “I have suffered on this Facebook. You know that post I made about Coldstone Ice-cream? Amanda Chisom posted it on her page and well, I got some responses I didn’t expect. I was shocked that most people there didn’t see the post for what it was: Comic. But that wasn’t too sad. After all, no be everybody for market get sense. Some girl on the post whose make up was so heavy it damped her sense of humour went ahead to upload a picture of some money to prove a point that I was broke and bla bla.

That’s not even what is hurting my nipples. What is winding me up right now is how much the post has been blown out of context. Heck, Victor Ibeh, forehead as thick as a trailer’s tyre actually made a sub post, talking about “men who take girls out and make a fuse about it.” Waawu! Unku it’s not that serious. How will you not look like a 43 year old man imprisoned in the body of a 12 year old when your sense of humour is inversely proportional to your pace in making a feminist rant out of everything that is not. Imagine how he presented it on his post, with his very biased rant about the whole issue. I have never seen a more desperate attempt to please women in my life. His logic is receding faster than his hairline.

See, every month I go out with friends, and I spend more than 5k for every time I go out. I have never actually made a post seriously moping about how a girl scammed me. I have written countless jokes about dates, some of which you can find on my blog some others appeared in other works I’ve written. That people, in their cosmetic ignorance decide to blow that post out of contest is actually mad amazing.

Haaa! Me that will take you out and order the entire restaurant for you, and I won’t even ask for handshake, it’s me that all of you are riding on laidis? Making posts and calling me broke because I said Coldstone is expensive? Are you sure your head is not menstruating? Did you put your head in flight mode before you read my post or you just wanted to sound cool turning the joke into some pro-feminist banter?

Me that when I’m in a good mood I can buy the whole Coldstone company for a girl and still friend zone her. Talking shit about knowing my class before taking a girl out. Talking shit about how 5k is small change. No wonder you wear khaki trousers that look like they have been passed down from six generations. Talking shit with your over starched T shirt and sense of humour as low as the height of your last toe.

Infact, who wants some ice-cream? Errr, Not Coldstone plix.”

Aunty Joy come write her own, I just wan bus cry cause she finished d young man??? she wrote “#Rant847

Be warned, this is a very arrogant post:

Amanda shared a Coldstone N5,300 date brouhaha. Of a woman in need of Coldstone icecream, and a man unaware of the cost of Coldstone icecream… until the bill arrived.

Someone sent the munched post and asked for my opinion.

“What do you think Joy.”

What I think? I don’t know of any man that I will complain to “Dear Amanda or Joromi” about Coldstone, except my driver gisting me in traffic about “a gehfren with long-throat”… or an intern in my office.

At first it didn’t seem like it was out of order, my response. But I realise how easily this could offend people… and sincerely I can’t understand why it should. Are we going to continue cutting our wings so every man can walk in and disrespect us with a bloody Coldstone icecream?

No nah.

I do not understand lower class dating (this is where Nigerian boys will say, “nothing  wrong with cutting down your cost during a date. You don’t have to go broke just to love a woman.” You miss the point, but carry on).

I am of the school of thought that only at a certain level of  comfort should you accommodate affection.

I have seen couples sweating under the sun whilst waiting for a bus to take them to the cinema for a date or the beach. The Nigerian sun and temperament making a mockery of romance. And I shudder.

I don’t understand Coldstone, Mr. Biggs and elegushi romance.

I never will. You can’t force me to pretend I am beneath a status to declare some kind of humility that makes you happy.

I don’t even understand a car without a/c. Have you had an encounter with Lagos’ sun beating on your car? The attack is like rabies. A car without a/c in Lagos doesn’t take you to your destination, it takes you straight to hell.

I don’t wish to grow with somebody. I am already a full grown woman, desiring a full grown man. Abi?

If you think that is an arrogant position then let it be arrogant.

I can’t be lying just so you will think of me as “down to earth”.. I am not down to earth. I am up up in the sky.

And no! The answer should not be, “the babe should buy her icecream herself. Be a boss. Another N5k bae.”

If he takes you out on a date then he should… you know what, never mind.

*PS: I did warn you this was an arrogant submission.”

Heygod! Odirokwanu mma o??????

Imagine something weh make ZeroChill Sub king Hymar David Idibie begin console the guy man he wrote “Victor Daniel , ndo.”

I feel for the guy biko, subs plenty☹️☹️☹️


Related posts

One Thought to “#KeepYourColdstoneBoo”


    This is hilarious!

Leave a Comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.