My Igbo men haf certainly seen abi heard wii at the hands of umu nwanyi Facebook since weekend, both those weh dey talk true, those weh just use am as all Igbo men bashing session and the ones weh dey exaggerate about the whole ‘touch touch’ matter. In fact dey don defend themselves taya, some even begin oponurize on top sef.
Mazi Ugonna Ufere lent his voice to the course, in a bid to defend our good Igbo brothers from the ridiculous generalization some miscreants are doing on Facebook cause of ‘tribal hate’….amamte ‘In my nwa Nsukka voice’?
He wrote “That’s how a certain lady sent me a friend request about a month ago. Good looking lady I must admit. Two weeks down the line I came across a post on her wall. Calling out ‘Ibo people’. Something about them always lacing their comments on her wall with ‘Ibo’. And more or else put out a warning for igbo people. That they should not make comments interjected with ‘Ibo’ words? or she’ll unfriend them. Meaning if I say “negodu” I’ll be found guilty.
Of course, I greeted her first with “anaeme”. To cut a long story short, lots of comments in Igbo flooded her timeline. She didn’t say hausa , yoruba, efik or bini. Her problem was with Igbos. I guess she later unfriended me though…can’t quite remember her name
Having spent a better part of my life in Agbor, Lagos, Calabar, Owerri and presently residing at Abuja…tribe has never been a parameter when choosing my friends. Light and evil cuts across all ethnic divide. A year ago I had cause to call out my Igbo brothers on a certain lady’s page. She was always being attacked when she made posts or uploaded photos of a sexual undertone. At that time, we were a handful on social media that had demystified sexual posts so she always had a barrage of abuses to contend with.
But now I can confidently say that significant progress has been made and people are more open minded. But how do you handle the new wave of Igbo bashing where all the vices known on the planet are attributed to Our men? People complain about being harassed in the market and the floodgates are thrown open. “Igbo men are the most abusive” “Igbo men cheat most on their wives” one even said 90% of Igbo men are uncouth and abusive (just negodu) And most of them saying all these are Igbo girls who probably would have finished riding one Igbo boy’s preek all night long only for her to come and post “Igbo men are scum.”
Like saying Calabar girls are promiscuous…or all the girls prostituting overseas are Edo girls…or every yoruba boy is a demon when we know there are resident demons in most people. The stereotyping is endless.
Now the part that confuses me is the correlation between bride price and domestic violence which another commentator alluded as the catalyst and of course same igbo men were fingered in this. I remembered as a 28yr old when I “gave” out my sister in marriage. She and her hubby were just started their life together and minus the symbolic N24:50k bride price I received at the time, I made sure and insisted that a lot of things be waived of except some major things for the ‘umunnas’ and ‘umu okpus’. I think my share was a pack of cigarettes back then. 2years later I was turned back by my in laws at nnewi when I went for ikuaka…Their reason? The goat I brought was a tiny one and I had to buy a bigger one before they could even listen to me. And my father in law collected something in the region of N50. This was in 2003.
Today, amaka still teases me about it. I’ve never had the urge to punch her on account of that fact…never. She can see me with a group of people and go, “The man that I married” “The man that I paid for” And from there the banter goes back and forth. Because she knows I have a good sense of humour as well. By the way what are you even doing with a partner you can’t have a good laugh with? An abusive partner will remain one regardless of them paying bride price or not. If paying bride price becomes phased out with time, then so be it rather than selling the narrative that it’s the major cause of battery among-st igbo men.
As much as we’re all entitled to our various opinions I, as an igbo man along with loads of others find such an opinion reprehensible and very myopic. It’s already an onerous task being Igbo and raising a 12yr old son in this clime…the last thing ‘we’ need is people burdening him and other fine young men with this atrocious stereotype which unfortunately is being propagated by their ‘Mothers’ and other women alike. Don’t marry a man as a bailout plan or for purely mind-blowing sex. Marriage in itself is a malleable union that can only be successful if you choose your friend for a partner.”
Tochini Beads commended him “Thank you oh.
Bride price has nothing to do with abusive men. Those ones that beat up their girlfriends nko? Which Bride price did they pay?
One of our neighbours back home used to lock the door and beat his girlfriend she still got pregnant for him and had two daughters before I left. He doesn’t even know her father’s house not to talk of bride price.
An abusive man is an abusive man. if it’s not bride price he will still think of another excuse to justify his madness.”
Adadum Alex hailed him “Preach it oooo it’s so pathetic! Don’t know what concerns agboro market life & bride price with Igbo men being abusive & violent in marriage. Even here cotonous drag for one to patronise them it’s not an Igbo thing it’s a business man thing involving all tribes & nations, guys must hustle naa. Have they tried marrying a riverine lady? They will hear nwiiii even the boat she rode inside her mama belle will pay, all is fun because no man will ever pay for a human being, ndi Igbo afugo ife so sad!!! I love my Igbo industrious men jare, just mention you are Igbo outside nigeria babes already fighting hahahahaha”
Many people were commending and praising Mazi for his wise incite in the whole matter and firiri gbaa from nowhere, Hanty with experience Dorathy Njemanze lamented “Many use bride price as excuse for being abusive. That’s the relationship. Those who know it isn’t should not stop saying why. People outrightly tell women they were bought. They need to unlearn that.
This is a great post.” Seeing how her assumptions are incorrect, Ejalen Idahosa Dominion educated her “If u say bribe price is used as an excuse by men to abuse their wives…how about boyfriends that abuse their girlfriends when they have not even proposed to the girl?
With or without bride price…a beast will always be a beast. (Word!??)
Ugonna Emechebe asked Ugonna “Ugonna Ufere
“It’s already an onerous task being Igbo and raising a 12-year-old son in this clime…”
No, it’s not. It’s a thing of sheer joy. Anyone who is uncomfortable with our being Igbo has an intense problem. He or she is a tortured soul with a deep form of dementia and it’s neither my problem nor yours.
Why is this even a topic?”
Peace Ben Williams replied him “My dear, it is a topic because it is what it is. Igbos have been given a bad rap since time immemorial. Looking through history, the Igbos have been the only tribe that other tribes sat at government council meetings to plan how to deal with them and take away their wealth. Until enlightened Nigerians band together to speak out against such unintelligent ideologies, it will continue to be a topic for concern, whether some Igbo men choose to remain unapologetic about the issue or not.”
Ugonna used his anya red to attack her immediately, he resorted “It is a topic because you give it attention.
I do not know if you are Igbo, and if you are I have no idea why your name is Peace Ben Williams.
Maybe that is where we need to start from.
My name is Ugonna Emechebe and I flaunt it in every country I enter. If anyone does not like it I will not be apologetic about it. I have 4 beautiful Igbo children that are American but complete Igbos and they are proud of who they are.
Ugonna Ufere doesn’t owe any of them anything and none of them is superior or better by reason of the tribe he comes from.
I feel stupid even giving this any attention”
Nnamdi Ekweogu seeing he is oponurizing small small, lectured him “Bro, it’s a topic, otherwise such stereotypes will stick. If you have the opportunity try as much as possible to debunk any lie. Don’t let it pass.”
Peace wasn’t having it and she let him know that, she said “Ugonna Emechebe I am not Igbo and I don’t see the need for you to attack me either because I bear three English names. You see, that’s exactly what I mean…you presuming and concluding that I’m not proud of my heritage because I bear names you can’t trace to my ethnicity is no different from people who stereotype the Igbos or any other tribe for that matter. I owe you no explanation as to why my name is what it is, so we don’t need to start from there. We were discussing stereotypes Sir, not names!”
Ugonna unperturbed defended his stance “No it’s not. Contextualize what we are speaking about; I have not attacked you in anyway. All I have said is I am not uncomfortable with my identity and nobody should be. In fact anyone who makes you try to feel uncomfortable with your cultural identity is afraid of you and probably has good reason to.
I spoke about not knowing if you are Igbo because of your name. Only after I know if you are Igbo will I know how to engage you in this conversation…should I choose to.
I have made no conclusions, all I have said is we should be comfortable with who we are”
And Peace gently but firmly stood her ground “Ugonna Emechebe Sir, you did. “I do not know if you are Igbo, and if you are I have no idea why your name is Peace Ben Williams.
Maybe that is where we need to start from.
My name is Ugonna Emechebe and I flaunt it in every country I enter.” This statement suggests I adopted English names because I’m ashamed of my true identity. You forget that names are given to children by their parents and women lose their maiden names after marriage. I sincerely think your statement was unnecessary Sir.”
A few people exchanged banters here and there and yours truly made sure she screen grabbed them all(who no know say amebo na uto ndu??)
But errm, I get suggestion o. Make another person bring up another topic for bashing fa, abi my brothers never try for una?