Abeg who get stool weh dem no dey use? Mbok borrow me make I take sidon knack una this ogbonge gist weh I carry land cause this one go long fa. No forget to carry small chops come o cause dismissal for this ‘service’ no be today?
Shiaar, things are happening, some people don kolo finish for this space. Shebi I tell una say Dee Zucker go pursue us one day? That day go soon come fa, I am sure the man go dey get headache for our plenty plenty matter?
A war has been going on between Selah dude Olakunle Allison (una remember am abi?) and one facebook celebrity Penocrat Ayomide Kindness (and her massive followership bought the case of course) since 2days now. Na wetin cause quarrel? Penocrat made this post
“I never knew old age was a very huge achievement, until two weeks ago, when I walked into Roban stores to buy bread.
On getting to the bakery section, I was met with a heart-breaking queue. Hian! Who did I offend? So today of all days that I decided to taste this over hyped bread, that is when the entire city also remembered to eat ? as well?
Village people o kaare Ooo! I see una o. This conspiracy and gang up is dope. ?
After much ado, I kuku respected my age and national ID number, and joined the excruciating queue. Village people cannot win me. Who no wan chop bread ? of life?? ???
Before I knew it, a smallish elderly man, joined the queue as well. He was directly at my back. To help my ministry till e reach my turn, I brought out my phone and began scrolling absentmindedly.
Just then, Oga screamed.
“Enough of all this rubbish! I can’t stand on this queue. I can’t stand! You people don’t have respect for elderly people. No you don’t! I can’t stand here! ”
Goose pimples ran down my spine. I turned back to behold the smallish man with this kind of thunderous voice that almost gave me heart attack. Then Oga faced me…
“Come, why are you looking at me? Why??? Do you know me? Am I owing you? You don’t have respect! That is why you can see an elderly man and still stand in his front on the queue. Nigeria is a useless country! I can’t stand here. I just can’t stand!” He shouted again. ???
Hian! Lekwa’m e kpom shoe! All these old people feeling like they’ve made it in life because they are old. E gbami! ” Oga did I do anything wrong to you?” I asked. ?
For my mind I was like: Toh! Instead of shouting inside my ear as if I’m holding your destiny, kuku lie down for ground till e reach your turn na. No be must to stand. ??
You no get connection to buy bread. You no wan stand. You no even get good mouth to plead with people wey dey front to help you collect ontop their own. You think say everything na by old age and ranting?
You never jam! Dey there dey form ancient of days.
You go old pass the old age way you dey claim today. ??Ooo chim! All this old people with warped sense of entitlement sef.? ?
Just then, oga walked straight to the counter where one of the female bakers was standing. “My fren! Distribute this bread quickly and let me get out of here! This queue is not moving! I can’t be standing on this queue. My fren move this queue!!!”???
My fren move this queue bawo?????? The Aunty na towing van? Oya na! ???
The lady tried to pacify him, as per old man wen him be. She told him to exercise patience that the bread wasn’t yet ready. Oga wan mad. ??
” You people have poor management here. Seriously! Don’t tell me that the bread isn’t ready. Move this queue!”
“Oga take it easy. The bread is not yet ready. ” another person told him.
“You people don’t understand. You don’t know where I’m coming from. I can’t stand! ” He shouted back.
Laugh wan tear my bra that day. Which kain wahala be this. On top ordinary bread fa!
People dey Facebook dey argue whether marriage na achievement or not. Mtcheew!
Old age ? is the real achievement mbok!
Go chew on that! ?
See how persin dey threaten us upandan with old age. Oga Na only you be the old person wey dey for line? So as you old now, Wetin you wan make I do? Turn my bra to sun glasses? ?
“You can’t stand. You can’t stand. Standing na anybody talent for here? Oga nobody is born a ‘natural stander’ no dey threaten us Abeg.
Suddenly, a male baker started distributing the loaves of bread accordingly. Oga ran to the front to collect bread. One joyless aunty come block am. “Mr. Man go and queue on the queue. I have been waiting for this bread. I was here before you. You cannot chance anybody here. We are not fools! We did not make you old! ”
“Madam I am not your mate! Don’t talk to me laidat! Don’t! If you don’t respect your parents at home, don’t try it with me!” The aunty kept quiet, collected her bread and left.
Nawa o! All this big big grammar ontop bread? This bread na really bread of life o. It isn’t an ordinary sontin. God Abeg o.
The loaves of bread were remaining just two by the the time it was my turn. I collected both of them. I looked at Oga’s face. E don strong finish like yesterday eba. Oga eye me ehn.??? wetin concern me?
I carried my hot loaves and walked out jare.
If na like that Methuselah take bully Israelites, them for no write him name enter Bible. Mtcheew!
Dear Old bullies,
The world doesn’t revolve around you.
As in, you people are not the centre of the universe. Una hear? ?
When you get into a place filled with young people, be nice with your words. If you can’t queue, plead! Old age is not a ticket ? to the good life. Nobody owes you nothing!
Stop playing the ‘ I am not your mate’ card. No dey threaten us.
Our birth certificate no dey inside una bag!
Stop acting as if everything is owed you.
Kill that unnecessary sense of entitlement.
Kill it! It only portrays you as a self absorbed overgrown and immature bully with a false sense of power!
Think healthily! Who old age don Epp? All the abroad people are busy doing surgeries, workouts and different kinds of soft work on their bodies just to be forever young. Look at the president of France wife. See her better flat tummy fa! ?? at six four o. ????
While Nigerians are busy wearing the kain old age like a cloak of honour, and forming ancestors upandan. Hian! ???
Nonsense and 1960!
Penocrat Ayomide Kindness”
while some didn’t find it funny at all
And within 5hours, she has gathered more than 500likes (errm, its 900k and counting likes now shaa?) and Selah dude decided it’s not meant to be so (as in e no suppose gather likes like that cause) because ‘e no deep’ and went on a ‘subshading’ spree.
He ranted “Idle gists & Naija youths.
Yes, this is a ‘sub’.
I just viewed a post about someone’s experience with an old man with whom she queued to buy bread. As at my last count, within 5 hours, the post had 503 Reactions, 139 Comments and 14 Shares! It was a combination of pidgin and grammar rants.
The entire GIST was about queuing up for bread and an old man who wanted to leverage on his age to jump queue and buy bread. And most importantly, IT WAS A LONG POST!
Guys, if a Nigerian youth ever complains that your updates are always too long to read, do not believe him or her. He or she is simply saying that your priority is different.
I couldn’t even finish reading the long gist. Yet, it had half a thousand reactions! The same youths would find it very hard to read and digest an educative or academic article. They’d say it’s boring. But they can patiently read a personal rant about queuing up to buy bread! #sigh SMH!
Sometimes I feel I don’t belong in this society.
Someone may feel I’m ‘beefing’ the post. If you think this way, then you don’t know me. I’m just worried that meaningful and productive conversations no longer gain popular following. Only meaningless and unproductive ones do. Sad! Sad!! Sad!!!
No elder reading the kind of idle rants with popular reactions of 500+ would entrust leadership to this generation. These things tend to reveal our utmost priorities.
His fellow ‘deep’ people were ‘commenlamenting’ just like him while Penocrats friends and fans were tackling him upandan. Then the neutral group members (na this group yours truly dey fa?) were doing what we do best; balancing the equation.
As e dey hot sef, Penocrat came and packed her sub of laive, still Olakunle refused to behave like a Chineke sombori and waka away, he rather attacked her the more …hian!?
I am beginning to think this beef is personal o but wetin concern me kwanu but i gats say this shaa; the babe was trying to be funny (she was to her fans) with something most of us found alarming and disrespectful but selah dude went too far with this ‘deep stuff’ but who am I to tell them to stop bickering? How I wan take see Asiri write? Mbok make una kwontinue o??