Parenting: Victor Ibeh and Adviser Rapu

Ghen Ghen, ndi overdo haf started again. You see perosn post im personal experience, you carry yourself go there dey form adviser. The person tried to tell you to cat-away with your advise, still you no wan hear fa. You dey there dey throw tantrums on top person post for im wall, worst thing be say na follower you be, not even friend sef?

 

Victor Ibeh posted ”

The last time my father raised his hands on me was when I was in SS 1 and I was 13 at that time.

 

One of the errors of parenting is when you are bereft of sensitivity. One of the most sensitive people I know is my mother. She knows the right time to say something and the right way to say it. She would punish you for an offense and you won’t feel bad.

 

I am not one of those children that spent so much time being childish. I became a mental adult at a very early stage of my life. This means I knew the right thing to do at each time. I could say that it was largely because I paid much attention to the way my mother did things. I didn’t have to wait for much instructions. I just learnt.

 

So my dad, was this person who punished us with anger. He didn’t understand the use of punishment. He used all manner of things on me while growing up. I often heard him say that it was the same way his father raised them. So he recreated history in my life. At some point I resented him heavily.

 

So, that day I came back from school. Didn’t meet much water at home, I took our truck and went to the river to get water. Chika Kenneth Odigwe knows the distance between my house and the river. I didn’t eat at all. I just saw a need that should be met and proceeded to meet it. Nobody forced me to do it. On getting to the river, I met a large crowd. It took time before it got to my turn.

 

In summary I got back home at 7:45 pm. I was hungry. Exhausted. Angry maybe.

 

The moment I stepped into the house, my father asked me where I was coming from. Even if my siblings had told him I went to the river. He didn’t pay attention to that.

I was yet to transfer the water I got to our water containers. My dad stood up, fuming that he has told me never to get home late for any reason. Before I could say a word. I saw the flash of lightening and I felt pain. That was when I knew he had slapped me.

 

That slap immediately reconfigured my head. My mom who had just come back from the market was in the room undressing. She ran out when she heard the hard clap of lightening on my face. ?????

 

While she was telling him that it was unfair for him to do that without hearing from me. I had already gone to our veranda, picked up a piece of iron and came for him. My mom saw me, ran and held my waist and was screaming that I shouldn’t harm my father.

 

You just needed to see the look on my face. It didn’t need explanation. In my head I considered him a bully. I didn’t see him as being strict, I just felt he was a bully. He was still busy shouting that my mother should leave me alone to hit him.

 

My mother kept begging me. I told her to leave me that I won’t hit him. That moment I turned to him and gave him a serious warning, never to raise his hands on me again. I told him that I had sense and I knew right from wrong.

 

I didn’t need him using the cane to tell me about anything. That day I officially became a rebel.

 

The unfortunate part of this story is that after that day I began to do the same he was doing to me to my siblings. I bullied my siblings until I was in 200 level in the university. That is a story for another day. He couldn’t stop me because I was replaying his script.

 

The man I am now is very much different from what I was then. Till this day my siblings can’t explain what happened to me that changed me totally. I won’t talk about that today.

 

I found out that most parents in Africa erroneously believe that they are always right. That being a parent translates to having common sense. That is a very misleading lie. Parents should also have emotional intelligence. I learnt emotional intelligence from my mother. At that time I didn’t know it had a name but when I became knowledgable I gave it a name.

 

You must learn to understand your children. Empathize with them. Put yourself in their shoes. A parent would break ceramic plates and feel okay. When a child does that you would start punishing them as if you have the freedom to make mistakes.

 

It makes no sense. Children are humans. This why the Rights  of women and children are always connected. The same way we treat women like nobodies is how we also treat our children.

 

The lives and rights of children matter…

 

And yes adult dey break calabash….

 

Copyright, Victor Ibeh 2017″

People were agreeing to the message to his posts, some even chipped in or two experiences and realities kids do have in the hands of their parents;

Amarachi Asoegwu commented “I wish I have what it takes to write my story, but judges will say why bring your family matter to limelight. Maybe someday, when I’m stronger.” And Victor replied her “I can write your story. If you so wish.”

Fumilayo Ademoye said “God bless.

I am a new school parent.

I am doing away with the ways of old.

My child my rules.

Most of us love out parents out of obligation and because society chants that your parents are mini gods.

Even before I gave birth I have always said I WILL APOLOGISE TO MY CHILD WHEN I  AM WRONG.

Parents make you resent them and wonder why in their old age you just want to be far away.

I will not transfer my childhood onto my son and future kids.

My child mustn’t relive my own childhood.

He will live his.” (True talk o)

 

Doris KC Onyekwere-Alamezie even shared her experiences “My dad was loving but was quite too strict. The kind that would punish you because he saw his friend’s son saying hello to you and you stopped for a minute (in broad daylight oh!) to exchange pleasantries.

I hated the fact that he caned us for every offence while we were kids and told myself I would never use the cane as a corrective measure. Sadly, I sometimes find myself replaying my dad’s script with my kids. But I’ve made (and am still making) serious efforts to stop.

Thankfully, kids of these days are full of guts. Mine (5 & 3 yrs  old) would come back after I’ve spanked them to thrash it out with me, asking me to justify why I had to, especially if they had apologized. Most times, I actually apologize!

 

I’m learning!”

 

Then came one hanty with plenty experiences in parental matters, Rapuluchukwu Okosa. She landed with judgy unsolicited advice and worst part be say she no even put am well?

 

She lamented “Your story was quite interesting but i must correct something there…picking up a stick to hit your father; no, dat was absolutely  wrong and disrespectful even though you didnt actually complete the act. Do u know how hurt he must have felt too when his own son had acted dat way towards him…they say obedient is better than sacrifice….it is true he behaved the way he did when u came back from d river without hearing ur own side of the story first but he is ur father, u should understand where he is coming from,,d man is scared and worried about you too….”

The thing pepper Victor soo much that he fired at her ”

I should be the one correcting you.

Mother teaching child

I didn’t make this post for you to come and correct me. The same bible that you read about obedience also instructs fathers not to provoke their children to anger.

 

Secondly, don’t just assume he was doing it in my interest. If he was he would have listened to me instead of slapping me.

 

This is a shoe I wore, I alone understand how it pinched me.”

Lizzy Dozen commended Victor “Thank you Victor, Thank you and Thank you again. We quickly quote scriptures and point out the wrong forgetting that every action has its consequences. God forgave Adam and Eve but still chased them out of the garden of eden, what does that tell you ?”

 

Shebi that hanty suppose grab sense waka away? She refused and kept misyarning, she resorted “If i see an error,,i will definitely correct it….it is wrong and i say it again wrong for u to have raised a stick to hit ur father….u alone wore d shoe and felt d pain, so it is ur experience,.every parents have their own way of raising their children and it works for them…”(ishi nini? Hian!?)

Victor wasn’t having it again, he slammed her “Raluchukwu Okosa shut your erring mouth and get off here. You can’t correct me when you are unable to even get proper comprehension of the bible that is your source of value.

 

Stop ranting on my page. This is my story not yours. Until you boldly come out here to tell us your own story, don’t assume the position of a judge on my story. The post is up here to serve as a medium of learning not for you to come and act as judge.”

Then she went ranting, she said “Mind you i didnt go to your page to see dis rubbish u posted there…it showed up on my timeline and i wasnt impressed dat u raised a stick to hit ur father…u said u are not judging but u are judging ur father here my dear….i really hope dat one day when u become a father,, u will understand better…” (hanty you are mannerless shaa?)

Victor put her in her place ”

You are not on my friend list so how come my post showed up on your timeline and what stopped you from ignoring it?

 

And you known nothing about me. So, don’t assume.

 

Now get off.”

 

She refused o, and vented some more “How can i ignore it,,i have to correct it…u think u know everything but u dont,,i have to teach u something too so u learn…As for how ur story appeared on my timeline,,,i have no idea….”(lie liar pant on faya?)

 

And then, they came for her…..finally!??

 

If una see how happy I was when they were shushing her up eeh, una go think say na winch I chop??

 

Biko make una continue dey fire am, ayam coming??

 

 

 

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