This is a letter to Nollywood. From us the association of Tired, Disappointed and Tired of Being Disappointed Audience (TDATBDA). In case our name up there did not tell you, we are tired of your clichéd storylines and we would really appreciate it if you splashed a little bit of ingenuity and some thought into these movies you keep churning out every week. In case you haven’t noticed- they are all annoyingly and tediously the same
And oh, we made a list of the storylines we don’t want any more.
- Rich Girl-Poor boy
We know that if a girl is rich and fine and then humble she will bump into a rich handsome boy (usually on her way to her very low paying job) whose rich parents would disapprove of the affair at first and fight it with all their might (usually by offering the girl the standard sum of two hundred thousand naira so she can leave their son alone), but the boy will stand by her through all of it.
And of course the boy would have already been in a committed relationship with another rich girl who he liked at first but suddenly stop liking because this poor girl came around. This poor girl will be breaking up his relationship and making him dump his rich girlfriend which actually makes him a cheat and her a man snatcher.
- Poor girl- Rich boy
Reversing the genders does not make it any less of the tired and boring cliché it already is. Drop the story line please, and these days’ rich people stick with rich people and poor people either hustle their way to the top or get played by rich people. Period.
- Runs girl ends up with an expired womb and a bleak future
Thus making her “un-marriageable” and unemployable. Well news flash people- The bad girls are winning now, matter of fact they’ve always been winning, you folks just did not get the memo. Look at Cardi B, she was a stripper and now she’s a top charting award-winning married mother of one rapper. Check out Black Chyna, was a stripper too, now she’s a…uhh…still a stripper or not, but she is popular and is a paid babymama of two. And Rihanna- the Supreme Leader of the bad girl association is a super star musician and a super star business woman. Need I say more? Now why not make a script out of that?
- Prince falls in love with Maiden
This is a classic and even more mind-numbing repeat of the rich boy-poor girl storyline. Only this time, the rich boy is royalty and the poor girl is royalty’s handmaiden. And the prince notices the maiden at a village square dance competition his father- the king organised so he will find a wife. *vigorously rolling my eyes*
- Wicked Stepmother
This is basically the Nigerian badly scripted and poorly acted version of Cinderella. And this time she doesn’t get a fairy godmother, or a beautiful ball dress, or glass slippers. She just gets a random man willing to put a ring on it. It’s boring now, stop stealing and recycling it!
- Abusive husband finally gets delivered
This is 2018, people don’t go to their pastors to cry and pray about their husband beating them up, they sit in their living room, cross their legs, pick up their phones (iphone or Samsung galaxy), call their lawyer and serve said husband some hot divorce papers.
- Cultist Club A. K. A Ogwu Ego
This storyline has been so repeated and with the same actors that now people actually think Kannayo O Kannayo is the Grand Patron/founder/Pioneer of the Yahoo Boy Club. You see what you haf caused?
I know it may seem like now you would have nothing else to produce or act but trust me you do. There’s more to human beings and human relations than is on this little tedious list. Explore it, entertain us with it. Hollywood is doing it, do they have two heads, eh?