ZeroChill Sub King

Shebi trouble dey sleep, iyanga waka go wake am? Ivan the terrible go get wetin he want today and I hope he puts off the faya he use his hand on.

Hymar wrote last night 2hours after Ivan defamed him.

“I just got a new job.  But some people just won’t let me be. They keep getting lower and lower. Their lies keep getting more brazen.

But they forget I am ghetto.  Nobody knows the slums like me. Fuck sub king and all that bullshit, when it gets personal,  I go personal.  And this is beyond personal.

 

I am going to make one last response for all those MFs(not because I really give a shit,  but when you bring disabilities into it,  you will get what’s coming to you)   Then I am going to concentrate on what I came to achieve in Abuja. Una no go ever find my mouth again.

 

And I promise you,  when I am done,  a lot of you will know facebook friendship is not by force. Goodnight.”

 

Ghen ghen! Its on people make una carry zobo, kunu, burukutu, ogogoro, kaikai, vodka, red wine come cause it haf started o

 

ZeroChill Sub king haf come back with a bang! Scratch that, he came with a fucking bazooka mehn! He kept true to his warning of giving it hot and he sure did!

 

He wrote with a cane meme saying ‘bringing lady Ivan’s cane”Dear lady  Ivanka Whyte Bleaching Lotion and his team Akamu United, pay attention.

 

I am gonna be honest,  I admit you did as you said;  you buried me(*congrats, congrats*) But word of advice,  never bury a man during Easter period.

 

Now, watch me rise!

 

***If it looks like a bitch and acts like a bitch…better come get a free MAKEOVER. Let me show you how to do MASSACRA .***

 

This is not a sub.  Nope.  It has gone beyond that. I understand you want so bad to be better than me,  to be seen as sub king(?) . Boy,  I could give you my crown and it still won’t make you king. I could stuff newspapers in my shoes and give them to you and your feet still won’t fit.

 

You say my arrogance bothers you.  Why won’t it when you refused to take VITAMIN B for your COMPLEX issues?

 

Or are you taking Vitamin Bitch and mistaking it for B? Boy,  I could walk on two knees and you still won’t be able to look me in the eyes. Till then don’t kid yourself that you are savage, Whyte Worm,  you can never be beast enough.

 

Introductions over.

 

So you say you are opening a can of worms, but all we see is a pot of lies.  Boy,  I am a writer and trust me,  Flash fiction is not sub.  You seem to have a beef with my muscular body,  sha hope you know even if you grow 12 packs,  you will still be my bitch.

 

Ivan,  hold on,  we never start.  Let me digress.

 

Lopex,  you mentioned they screenmunched me subbing you behind your back.  Been trying to remember when I did that then I  realized what those rats in your life showed you was my post SLAY QUEEN STARTER PACK.  Lol,  you weren’t even on my list then na.  But if you really believe that’s a sub for you then I am sorry for you.  I remember how they said I was cheating during that your photo competition and you started supporting them before we all found out they were the one cheating.

 

Lopez,  I don’t need to say shit behind your back.  Even if I do,  I will still say it to your face.  And actually say worse.  Got that?

 

Now let’s face some witches:

 

Rose Ukaegbu

Franca Otito Uriel

Vivian Calabargirl Kokomo

Fify Osung ????

 

You see those names up? Mark them well.  I don’t know the first three apart from the fact that they are making bizzare claims of having got pregnant for me. ????? When I  tell people dating me without my knowledge to talk,  dem no go gree.  Now see as some people don get belle on top spirit boyfriend even abort join ????

 

Now Fify Osung.  Ah,  yes.  I know that one,  very well sef.  One time I was single and this girl crept into my inbox and said “give me your heart”

 

I am like,” I don’t have a heart,  just a big hole in my chest.”

 

She was like,  noooo,  I want your heart.

 

This same girl that pressurized me to date her(yes, there are boys who will look you in the face and say,  ‘Not interested’) . This same girl that went crying to my bestie, Mfon whenever I pushed her away a bit too hard,  this same girl that offered me money for a flight ticket when I was going to Abuja last year to see about some business and I turned it down and went by bus(and she later reported to Mfon who beeped me to say I am being somehow,  it is not her fault she is rich)  this same girl that asked me to inbox AdaOsisi Ego because she posted a picture of us(Me, Ada)  together (self esteem and insecurities on fleek) to take down the picture (haba,  i won’t have friends again because i take pity gree for you) this same girl that i finally went to see and later quarelled with,  who left the final hotel bills to me,  thinking I am a broke boy who wee wash plate not knowing I am a big boy who wastes no time paying up. ???

 

I could go on and on,  but summary is it this same girl who is hiding behind lady Ivanka and giving him ammo and spreading exaggerations and lies about me and my relationship.

 

One of those gutter rats said I was with her during last Christmas period??? Me that was eating chicken with Chinwendu and Cece that day and not even in her city(like I even know what city the insect lives sef)

 

Fify even said ayam a 1 minute man.  Bitch,  Ididn’t last one minute with you  because my dick can’t stand your craw craw ass. Do you know what I did immediately I got back?  I went to a doctor to make sure the witch no carry something from her village give me ???. Everywhere she goes,  you smell cigarette smoke on her even if she take perfume baff.

 

Lol.  You said you were gonna ruin me abi?  Let me help you na.  Go through my wall,  you will see my nudes.  I beat you to leaking them. I even have more,  worse sef,  the type that will break Facebook and enter Linda Ikeji.  Please if you haff dem,  epp me release dem.????.

 

Bitch,  Go back to being insecure and being  abused by your daddy. Yes,  your abusive daddy(since you are telling people stuff i told you about my papa , practically everything I confided in you)  My daddy sucks but at least he gave me his all.

 

You saying you gave me money.  Hahahaha.  I have screenshots of you begging me to accept money and me saying I am fine,  I don’t need it.  ??????

Oya upload where I begged you for money.  Confused moron,  she see find boy con leave sense for market.

 

Now,  back to the lady Ivanka .

Boy,  you didn’t hurt me dragging my deafness into it.  Nobody can.  Not since secondary school when I built a wall of Jericho around me that taunts couldn’t get through anymore.

 

The people you hurt are my friends and fans.  Lol.  Believe me,  people love me that much. And I am writing this for people like me who get taunted too because of what they are.  People who cannot fight like me.

 

Now listen, let me explain to you why we are not mates.  When you are busy eating Mummy thank you,  my mama was busy saying Hymar thank you for this money,  the kids I put in school, their parents were saying Hymar,  thank you.  The facebook kid at AAU whose fees I paid was saying,  Hymar,  thank you. My friend whose mom was in critical condition at the hospital and needed help with bills was saying,  Hymar  thank you. I do all that without making noise.  And you wanna know the good part?  I do all that without coming to Facebook to ask for help for them. (Omotoyosi shebi you asked to do a fundraising for those kids that day and I said no,  I can handle it?)  Know why?  Because I could afford it.  50k per editing jobs, I work,  bitch.  I don’t get by on handouts like you.

 

Lol.  Stop beefing the ladies on my list.  It is not my fault you surrounded yourself with broke girls who only know how to copy and paste.

 

You don’t expect me not to have educated and well to do ladies surrounding me?  Come on,  Lions don’t play ten ten with goats.

 

And lol,  you publicly asked Lopex Morissa to block me.  She hasn’t o.  Maybe she likes me a bit too much ?. Eeiya Ivanka,  another one lost to the handsome and charming Hymar David.  Jesus wept profusely.

 

Lol.  Lady Ivanka,  do you know where I am now?  In Abuja,  about signing a 6 month, six figure contract for a PR firm.  Because that’s how my professional wakawaka pays. That’s why I can travel upandan unlike you,  lady Ivanka who has to wait for an alert from daddy and mommy before he can go buy Soulmate cream for his afro.

 

People like you,  facebook makes you.  Me,  I make Facebook for people. See why we are not mates?  That’s why next time you say my name,  lower your voice. Hush hush. I am not a god.  I am the one gods go to when they wanna learn how to be successful gods.

 

You hate me cos girls love me?  Lol.  How’s it my fault if you don’t have my looks or charisma?  Ok,  no worry,  I will link you up with one or two slay queens ???

 

You mentioned one of your rich friends who said she wanted to ‘help me get hearing aids’ but changed her mind because I am not humble.  Hahah,  tell her, I have turned down people far more wealthy than her.  My facebook aunt keeps pressurizing me to go for new tests because she wants to see about doing something about it. My new boss nko?  Tell your friend to find a charity case to help or contact Paulcy,  he runs a charity. I don’t need a messiah.

 

Now,  I saved best for last.

 

My mama said,  my mama said,  Take am play.

 

So I am taking your attempt to mock my deafness and , oh boy,  lets have some fun.  You threw lemons and are probably expecting me to make lemonade,  no,  bitch,  I suck lemons raw!

 

Lady Ivanka, you came late.  I already talked about my hearing loss. You think you are breaking news,  but you are last year’s newspaper headline.

 

You bring my girlfriend into it because you are still mad she creep zoned you.  You form a tag team with liars and crooks because you know you cannot take me down alone(haha, you still need more (wo)men ) and even with that,  you add my hearing to the mix because past experience told you that to kill Hymar,  first make the grandfather of all bombs.

 

Now that you have let loose and the smoke has cleared and the beast still lives,  what you gonna do?

 

Hahaha,  I already see you deleting comments and running.

 

Run,  run,  run as fast as you can,  you won’t go far,  you are  not the gingerbread man.

 

Son,  listen,  I lost my hearing at 7. I taught myself to read.  I taught myself to write.  I am still teaching myself to speak. My kid sisters correct me all the time,  but I am resilient.  And I ain’t ever stepped a foot in a special school, gotten privileges or whatever.  I came through the system like everyone else and I am here standing over you. I am here,  making things happen,  teaching Etisalat how to run a flash, teaching Facebookers how to live, rubing shoulders with Chimamanda Adichie(who said ‘this is the next big thing before a crowd at Lagos Island) . I don’t even need a degree , my mind is a fucking PhD.

 

Is that what you want to shame me with?

 

Guy,  are you for real?

 

You say I am disabled,  but when I square up against you,  you are the one with an handicap.  You have been dreaming of beating me for so long,  you probably schemed and planned for days, cooking lie and crap.  Yet you are the one getting served.

 

You put bricks in your gloves and threw punches yet you are the one getting dazed.

 

I grew up and learned to read lips,  I can also read minds.  Boy,  I just looked into the window of your soul and I swear I have never seen anyone so scared ????

 

Don’t worry,  come Abuja let’s talk,  I won’t beat you.  In fact,  come with the army connects you like to brag about.  Na that day you go know say even e trek from March to September,  your influence no go reach.

 

You wanna shame me?  Hahaha,  you wanna shame the person who use him own hand dey expose himself everyday?  Wha will you shame me with?  Fuckboy stories?  Lol,  na me write the starter pack.  Nudes?  Hehehe,  dawan na my trademark.  My ears?  Lol.  Something I don take collect rep since?

No more ammo? Shit,  I feel bad for you.

 

You brag about the people you have,  call me when you wanna brag about who you are.  Call me when you wanna brag about what you have gotten done on your own.  Call me when you are ready to go through life without your ears and voice and we will see which motor park you will end up with lapalapa in your afro saying,  Broda,  ayam not a beggar but I never chop since morning.

 

I am not sub king,  I am not shade king.  Heck I am not anything king.  I am just a soldier(even if I don’t wear an uniform like Kolapo)  I have fought demons the rest of you run from and I beat them back.

 

You? You can’t fight. You gather an army and an arsenal,  but you still sneak up on me to hit me in the back because that’s your sole aim in life: to be a bitch.  I wonder how many times your daddy looked at you growing up and said,  Lemme kuku accept my fate.

 

You think you have a killer squad,  hahaha,  wait till I call Mfonobong,  call Omotoyosi,  call Kolapo,  call Ireh No Sehn,  call Pa Ikhide,  Heck,  lemme even call Temidayo to drop some grammar bombs. ???

 

How would you like to die?

 

I wonder how many times you look into your mirror and wish you see Hymar looking back at you. Get vitamin B for your complex problems or throw yourself off a bridge.  Your parents will throw an elaborate funeral complete with cash spraying to thank you.

 

Oh,  look,  my boss is coming,  let me keep my phone and get to work.

 

*drops Mic*”

 

#faints

#faintsagain

#ayafdie

#myasirigodsaresinging *Ayele oo Ibosi o*.

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One Thought to “ZeroChill Sub King”

  1. Nick Uwagwu

    Wow!
    Some folks have got a way with words. Hymar is one of them. I doff my okpu for y0u.
    And…. where have I been all these while? Surprised, I never heard of this word soldier until today.
    And yes, I say it, this guy can make a decent living from just writing his quarrels.

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